I am feeling so upset since yesterday night, to the extent that I cried because I am 'deeply' sad, mad and I guess, Angry. I wont say the reason why though. As I am contemplating things in my mind last night, I sent my bestfriend (Eunice) a text message because she has this thing that can make me calm everytime. I asked her first if I can sleep in her bed and she replied, 'oo naman, dyan ka muna.' I didnt told her anything yet but I dont know why she automatically asked, 'Nak, are you okay?' ( we fondly call each other 'Nak' since the day we first met college. ). I asked her somethings that I know, she knew better about me. She knew me more than my other bestfriends do. Again, she knew the right words to say.
I posted an entry here about her way way back, and I am posting this entry again for her because I suddenly feel the need to.
Things arent gone so smooth in our friendship for the past month. We had issues and misunderstndings. We barely talk and see each other even though we are working in the same company and living in the same place. We argue. I say mean things to you. We fixed things. And we are trying to make the friendship we have better though there are times that I really feel that we are indeed slipping away.
Later this after noon, and after reading that chats countless of time today, I texted her and told her about what upsets me. (she's like that, if I am not ready to tell things to her, she wont barged me, she'll wait till I am ready to tell her.) My eyes got teary and I sniffed a couple of times while composing my text message to her. I felt so worked up with so much thoughts of 'what and whys'. Again, she knows the right words to make me calm.
My bestfriend is far from perfect. She really is annoying specially his past few months. I got really mad at her sometimes. But just like the old times, she stands firm on the friendship we built together way back in college.
Eunice, I know I am hard to handle 95% all the time. I am moody and brat and everything else in between but I didnt hear you complain a bit. Maybe, you know that I am like that even before we call each other bestfriends. I got mad at you without reason, I got annoyed at you, I bashed you, I tell things to you straight to the point even I know sometimes it will hurt you, and Im sorry for that. Lately, when I saw you, I really wanted to hug you and cry and tell you how upset and hurt I am. Because I know, you will understand. I know you can make me feel better. I miss those times when we were in College and we are living in a dormitory, I am nursing a brokenheart that time. No matter how busy you are with your dinner (you favorite part of the night, dinner time.) you will still go to the room and leave your food behind when you heard me cry. Sit nor lay beside me and comfort me.
We are not the same clingy and inseparable bestfriends that we used to be. We are indeed growing apart having our new set of friends and bestfriends. But I want you to know that, I love you just the same. And that I am greatful to have you. And that, no matter how mad I can get, how annoying you can be, you will always be special to me. Thank you for not letting go of my hand even I am too much to handle at times.
And just like what you said, I shouldnt minding what people will tell about me. And I come to realized, yet again, that you are right. I shouldnt care what they think of me over circumstances, as long as I know myself. Thank you for lifting me when I am down to nothing but my insecurities. I dont care what people will think of me, I should stop thinking about that, because I know that there is someone who know 'me' better and that is you. I love you time one hundred! 😘😇
-Niki 😊
