You know me better

Hi! Its been awhile since I post an entry. Tonight is not different from the other night that I didnt have time to post but, while Im on my way hime lately, from Manila to Pampanga, I am having these thoughts about my bestfriend. Maybe because at times like this, I know that no matter how petty nor serious the circumstances is, I have her. I can tell her. I cry to her. So, I dont want to let this pass.

I am feeling so upset since yesterday night, to the extent that I cried because I am 'deeply' sad, mad and I guess, Angry. I wont say the reason why though. As I am contemplating things in my mind last night, I sent my bestfriend (Eunice) a text message because she has this thing that can make me calm everytime. I asked her first if I can sleep in her bed and she replied, 'oo naman, dyan ka muna.' I didnt told her anything yet but I dont know why she automatically asked, 'Nak, are you okay?' ( we fondly call each other 'Nak' since the day we first met  college. ). I asked her somethings that I know, she knew better about me. She knew me more than my other bestfriends do. Again, she knew the right words to say.

I posted an entry here about her way way back, and I am posting this entry again for her because I suddenly feel the need to. 

Things arent gone so smooth in our friendship for the past month. We had issues and misunderstndings. We barely talk and see each other even though we are working in the same company and living in the same place. We argue. I say mean things to you. We fixed things. And we are trying to make the friendship we have better though there are times that I really feel that we are indeed slipping away.

Later this after noon, and after reading that chats countless of time today, I texted her and told her about what upsets me. (she's like that, if I am not ready to tell things to her, she wont barged me, she'll wait till I am ready to tell her.) My eyes got teary and I sniffed a couple of times while composing my text message to her. I felt so worked up with so much thoughts of 'what and whys'. Again, she knows the right words to make me calm. 

My bestfriend is far from perfect. She really is annoying specially his past few months. I got really mad at her sometimes. But just like the old times, she stands firm on the friendship we built together way back in college.

Eunice, I know I am hard to handle 95% all the time. I am moody and brat and everything else in between but I didnt hear you complain a bit. Maybe, you know that I am like that even before we call each other bestfriends. I got mad at you without reason, I got annoyed at you, I bashed you, I tell things to you straight to the point even I know sometimes it will hurt you, and Im sorry for that. Lately, when I saw you, I really wanted to hug you and cry and tell you how upset and hurt I am. Because I know, you will understand. I know you can make me feel better. I miss those times when we were in College and we are living in a dormitory, I am nursing a brokenheart that time. No matter how busy you are with your dinner (you favorite part of the night, dinner time.) you will still go to the room and leave your food behind when you heard me cry. Sit nor lay beside me and comfort me. 

We are not the same clingy and inseparable bestfriends that we used to be. We are indeed growing apart having our new set of friends and bestfriends. But I want you to know that, I love you just the same. And that I am greatful to have you. And that, no matter how mad I can get, how annoying you can be, you will always be special to me. Thank you for not letting go of my hand even I am too much to handle at times. 

And just like what you said, I shouldnt minding what people will tell about me. And I come to realized, yet again, that you are right. I shouldnt care what they think of me over circumstances, as long as I know myself. Thank you for lifting me when I am down to nothing but my insecurities. I dont care what people will think of me, I should stop thinking about that, because I know that there is someone who know 'me' better and that is you. I love you time one hundred! 😘😇

-Niki 😊

It felt normal and fun..

Hello there!

It’s November 16 to day and I don’t have any plans to do- yet. Mama woke me u early lately to look over the viand she’s cooking. I’m betting bored and I need to do something to ease this thing ugh!  Syempre hindi nako sanay ng ganito, pahinga pahinga lang! Id only I can go to the mall every single day of this suspension thingy, I would do so!

Yesterday I got there actually. I arrived around past 3pm and got myself a venti cup of Caffe’ Mocha, its not my usual but I just want to, for a change. I waited for David and he arrived around 4pm.

Yes, I am with Davis yesterday. We walked around the mall and talked random things. I don’t know why, all of a sudden we’re so comfortable with each other. What I mean is, date kasi parang ang awkward. Err, I suddenly realized that I am right all along. That the two of us are better off friends. We spent one hour at the videoke hub and sang random songs. And then again, I find it weird thou hindi ko alam kung bakit eh. There is this one song I made him sing, ‘All or Nothing’ by O-Town. While he sing, I was actually singing with him without a mic. Basta sinasabayan ko lang sya kasi feeling ko talaga ah, ayaw sakin ng Mic! Feeling ko sinasabotahe ako ng Mic sa mga videokehan eh. Going back, while singing, I realized that, that song is kinda fitting in in our past. I shrugged it of but It sends me into deep thoughts so I looked for it again in the song book and had it played again and this time, I am the one who sang it. Eh talagang swak samin! I mean sa past. Hindi ko lang alam kung napansin ba nya, pero kasi saming dalawa ako yung mas observant sa mga ganyang bagay noon or talagang masyado lang siguro akong conscious. We took a couple of photos as I requested and told him I will post them on my IG account. I even posted a video of us singing the song ‘when I was your man’ by Bruno Mars, together. Haha! How Ironic! We got to do things together na hindi naming ginawa dati when we are still together. And we enjoy doing things. Bat ganon?

I really, really never thought of this things will come. What I mean is, we didn’t end in a smooth way thou we actually did and doing it now slowly, the patching things up. We both are not good at verbal closure, given na iyon but somehow, nagagawa naman naming sya through chat kahit pakonti konti and I can say that we are good now. As I had said lately, we are more comfortable with each other than before. We’re like old friends that didn’t saw each other for a long time and so we are catching up things now. We  even talked about some sort of personal things like, having relationship with others thou we both don’t have one at the moment. He mentioned the girl he love and told me things about how he puts effort for her and such. Well, I have nothing felt against that kasi for me, doing things that would make your special someone happy is normal. Yes? And I find it weird whenever he will say, I do this and that for her that I didn’t do for you before. I mean, so what? I am not into those things naman. Ako naman kasi, kung hindi mo kayang gawin para sakin, okay lang. Lalo na kung hindi rin naman makakaabala or kung hindi naman talaga kailangan na kailangan. Hay nako sya, love sick sobra! We also talked about things na habang pinag-uusapan naming, ang nasa isip ko talaga ay, ‘why are we talking things like this anyway?’ At oo, pinag-uasapan talaga naming ang nakaraan naming! Like, seriously? Hahaha! But honestly speaking, I didn’t feel any weird feeling habang pinag-uusapan namin yon over our food. Parang normal lang na pag-usapan ung topic.

We really have this weird connection na siguro hindi na talaga mawawala kahit ano pang gawin naming iwas. That, pag kailangan ko sya, andyan sya. Though hindi naman nya kasi ako sinasabihan pag may mga dilemma sya sa buhay dahil may iba naman syang kaibigan. May kaibigan naman din ako, I have not that many but I have true friends, if you get what I mean. Pero kasi, I trust him with such things. Like when I feel stress or what or I have something in mind that I wanna talked about, alam kong masasabihan ko sya.

So, Engineer, thank you sa time! Pag-isipan mo yung plano ah, ang tagal kasi ng 5 years na maghihintay ka sa wala tyaka, alam mo naman diba? Nasabi ko na sayo kagabe. Haha! 

PS: thank you for not wearing your pabango. It meant a lot kasi nga sa allergies to sa mga bagay na scented.

-Niki 

Torn between,..

Before my four days offs, I have so many plans on what would I be posting on this blog. Pero nakatatlong araw nako, walapa akong nagagawa! I am always torn between Blogging, Writing my story update on Watty and browsing my SMAs! Nakakainis pag, gusto mong kunin ang laptop kay Kuya pero tatamarin ka kasi nasa tabi mo lang si iPad at nang-iimbita si cellphone. >o<

I have this certain topic on my mind. But I am planning to do it nalang next day off ko which in on October 21 and 22. HAyyy… napaka tamad kong tao Lord!! As much as I want to post these random thoughts running inside my head, tinatamad ako,, huhuhu.. sorry.. A

-          -Niki

Comfort Song..

I had being listening to a particular song since last week. Ewan to ba, I find it so addicting. Hindi naman na ako nagtataka kasi random naman talaga ang choice ko sa music though I have a thing for OPMs. Para kasing, ang sarap magmahal eh, parang kahit matagal kang maghintay sa taong yon eh, nakapa worth it. Basta, this is my comfort song for now. I am listening to it as of the moment. Ako lang ba talaga ang ganito o meron pang ibang tao na kapag gusto ang isang kanta, paulit-ulit din pinapakinggan yung song? As in naka repeat sa mp3 para kapag tapos na, uulit sya mag-isa.? I am guilty on that. Old habits die hard. Hehe.. Here’s the song.. kayo na ang humusga! Basta ako, I fell inlove with it..

PS: yes, it was a song from the original Encantadia .. 

-NIKI

We are losing it..

Every day is a surprise. No one know what will happen tomorrow ‘till it come. People come and go. Some friends would stay and some would go away.

I am a person who’s not that easy to be with. If you want to be my friend, you have to deal with my worse version most of the time. But, if you do, I can promise you that I can stay with you as long as you want me to. It was like, if you accept me at my worst, you will surely have my best. Hindi ko mapili sa mga taong kinakaibigan ko, pero pinipili ko yung mga pinagkakatiwalaan ko.

Elementary. High Scholl. College.

My sets of close friends from Elementary to College are different. Ganito, iba ung close friends ko ng elementary, iba yung mga sa High School at iba din yung sa College. My Elementary Bffs  are my childhood friends, though we rarely see each other now, we make sure to keep in touch with each other. I really love these guys so much. My High School bffs are somehow different from my Elem Buddies but I don’t love them any less. And I miss getting along with them. It’s been a year since we last had our chitchat time. And my College Bffs. We are supposedly 5 in the Group but before our graduation, something came up and immaturity took over. There are just the three of us who remained ‘intact’. The ‘three of us’ are Me, Eunice and Julie. The three of us are good ‘till now. Or I guess??

Minsan ang friendship parang lovelife din pala. Nawawalan ng spark. *sigh

I don’t know when and how it started. We rarely talked. We don’t share secrets anymore. We even have our different sets of friends too. Their ‘brads’ and my ‘bessys’. We once talked (the three of us) and clear things out. It somehow worked naman, or so I thought. Pinipilit ko naman lumapit sa kanila eh, pinipilit kong ibalik yung date kahit alam kong iba na. May nawala na. May nasira na. There is this one time, while I was having a chitchat with one of them and the hangout chat pop-up suddenly. She immediately close it. Maybe she’s afraid I might see what’s in there, but the thing is, I saw the chat box already and it was named by the first letter of their names. Hindi ko alam kung gets nyo ba ko pero kasi, iba ung feeling. But then again, I just shrugged all the thoughts away.

What saddens me is the feeling of; we are (the three of us) close to losing it. What I mean is, the friendship we had. We are losing it. Or we already did? Hay… nothing last forever if we don’t want those things to last forever.

-Niki

Random 1.02 10/08/16

Rare times:

1. I feel genuinely happy.
2. I feel complete.
3. I feel secured.
4. I feel loved.
5. I feel needed.
6. I feel fine.
7. I feel well rested.
8. I feel important.
9. I feel fulfilled.
10. I feel … wanted.

Mostly:

1. I feel sad.
2. I am hurt.
3. I want to cry.
4. I want to go away.
5. I want to be alone.
6. I want silence.
7. I want to feel loved.
8. I want to be hug.
9. I want to feel secured.
10. I want to give in and sulk in loneliness.
11. I want to sleep so I won’t feel sad, hurt and lonely.
12. I feel the need to have someone where I can tell every single pain I am hiding.
13. I think of running away and never come back.

I wish:

1. To be happy.
2. To be love deeply.
3. To be accepted for whom I am really.
4. To have more love.
5. To be the most important person to someone.
6. I could just be me… all the time.

Someday:

1. All this pain would be ease.
2. I will be happy.. for real.
3. I can runaway and I will not hesitate anymore.
4. I will feel that I am worth to love, to cherish and to keep.
5. I will be free from hurt
6. There will be someone who will hold my hand and never let go of me no matter how hard it is to love me and no matter what the world will say.

Someday, I will not cry alone anymore. Because there will be someone who will cry with me when I am in pain. No matter how hard life can get, I will still be holding on to what the future will offer. It may not be now, but soon I know, everything will fall on their proper places and I will be happy. I will be free from pain and sadness.

Sobrang random ban g entry?? Wala feel ko lang talaga..

-Niki

Random 10/08/16

Hi!

I’ve been so lazy for the past few days ( always naman! ). Hehe. Anyway, our Team Leader is back from her Vacation Leave and we already talked. Though we are still waiting for Sir to come back for the final verdict of my mistake, I still feel somehow a little lighter. I am also on the process of moving on with my mistake. Nangyare na, wala na din naman akong magagawa kahit isipin ko pa ng isipin. Move on and be extra extra extra careful. Yan lang naman ang pwede kong gawin para hindi na maulit. I am just so thankful for having my Ninang Jazz ( I call her Ninang because she will be my Godmother someday, pag magpapakasal nako hehe..) because she never failed to give me the ‘words’ I needed when my negative thoughts attack. I really love how she comforts me everytime and how she make me realized the things that I need to understand.

So how are you doing guys? Its already October 8,2016 today. Imagine how past 2016 was, parang ilang kembot lang ang lumipas October na. Bukas makalawa,mare-realize mo nalang bigla December na pala. 2017 is just around the corner and yet my 2016 bucket list is not even half-way fulfilled! That was just so sad but, maybe I can still continue doing the others next year? Yes?  *sigh.

Lately, we attended the wedding of Eugene, ( younger brother of my bestfriend Eunice. ) It was a simple wedding, the typical province-type. Pero alam nyo ba? That wedding show me how great person Tito Allen and Tita Vicky are. They are not rich but they raise their children well and full of love. Hindi araw araw may makikilala kang katulad nila na gagawin ang lahat para siguraduhing nasa tamang daan ang mga anak nila. Tito Allen is such a great father, for me, the wedding is not for his son Eugene, rather its for Michelle. ( Eugene’s Bride). Eugene is younger than his wife but then again, that doesn’t excuse him for not marrying Michelle. Tito Allen also don’t want to just let them living-in together not getting married. His reason is simple, he have daughters too. I wonder what would dad do if he was on Tito Allen’s shoes. Anyways, our eldest sister is civilly married.

Niki..

To whom it may concern..

And so it happened.Until now, I cant still process the things right though I am already aware on what will be the consequences of what I did. Bembang talaga ako kay Sir! 

I am really upset but I cant do anything rather than wait for tomorrow. :( . And since I am feeling stress and upset since the minute it happened and I am not eating right, sleeping right and thinking right, I got colds now.

One of the things that I hate the most is having colds because I really feel uneasy somehow. Last night I slept past 9 pm but then woke up around 1 am and been wide awake 'till 5 am! Imagine that? Nakakaloka!! Ang sakit na sa ulo bes! Hindi ako pinatahimik ng ubo ko magdamag. :(

Anyways,last night while reading a certain story on my wattpad library, I receive a text message from a random number. Random kasi hindi naman sya naka-save sa phonebook ko. Hehehe. :) I receive the text message around 12:30 midnight but I had read it I think 4-5 am in the morning because I am using my iPad and my cellphone is charging under my bed. So, the text message I receive has something to do with my last blog entry ( the one that causes my stress now ). I want to post the exact text message I receive from this random person but I think that is necessary kaya wag nalang. 

To you, who texted me last 12 midnight. I gladly appreciate what you had said and thank you. You may know me or you may not but I will be appreciating it more kung magpapakilala ka kasi, hindi kita kayang hulaan!! hahaha! Pero parang kilala mo ko kasi kung sabihin mo naman na kunyari hindi ko alam kung sino ka eh, ganun ganun nalang!! enebe?? FYI, I accidentally posted my personal number on one of my SNS account publicly. (Knowing that all the links of my SNS accounts are on the about me of my google account.) Hindi ka nag-iisa na nagte-text saakin na hindi ko kilala. As much as I want too, I cant change my personal number kasi yun yung nakalagay sa mga importanteng papeles ko! Sa office, so Ids at sa lahat lahat na. So ayun nga, kung ano man ang intensyon mo, to cheer me up yan, na-appreciate ko. Salamat. Salamat. Salamat. And uy salamat, kahit pa-paano pala ay may napapadaansa blog ko. :) 

Sa sobrang random ng entry na to, pati ako hindi natutuwa. Pero kasi... Pero kasi...

Come on guys, I need a break and this is the only thing I know para mailabas lahat to!

PS: to my random texter, hey! nagdadasal ako. Hindi ko nakakalimutan yon. Sadyang... Lamona!

-Niki

Right time, Right Love, and the Right one

Hashtag : Happy Tummy :)  (Busog na me.. hehe..burrrp.. )Pwede nakong mag blog. 

I wanna make this confession. Hindi ko alam kung masyado lang ba akong nagde-deny sa sarili ko o ano.Well ganito kasi yon, this coming October, I will be turning 23. Hindi pa naman ako ganun katanda pero alam ko ding hindi nako ganon kabata! Like what I had said in my older posts, I am praying for this someone. As in my specific person talaga akong hinihiling kay Lord everytime I pray, hindi ko talaga nakakaligtaan banggitin iyon pero minsan nare-realize ko na, parang G na G naman akong magka-lovelife. *sigh..

Alam mo ba yung feeling na, nabibili mo lahat ng gusto mo, nakakapunta ka sa kung saan mo gustong pumunta, magandang trabaho (kahit nakakastress), tapos sobrang blessed mo sa mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Alam mo ba yon? Kasi ako oo, kasi ako yon eh. Kaya lang parang may kulang parin. L

Minsan naiisip ko, sana pala hindi nalang ako nag-move on, edi sana hindi ako atat na atat mag boyfriend ngayon! Hahaha! Chos! Pero syempre thankful naman ako na naka-move on na ako sa past major heartbreak ko. At gaya parin ng sinabi ko date, gaano ko man kagusto na alam nyo na, I still want to wait for the right time. Kung hindi pa iyon ngayon then, its fine. Though I really want it asap, I will still choose to wait for God’s perfect time. 

Me be like:  Right time, Right Love, and the Right one.

PS: myLoves,. magtweet ka naman ng madalas! hahaha

#FatedNicNiks

Thought-Ful,

Niki :)

Stressssss... #plural

Nagugutom nako pero wala pang kanin!! L

Hello! J I’ve been sa busy this past few days. Ay no! scratch that, I’ve been so busy thus past few months since I got “promoted” to the payment department. (insert deep sigh here) This so called promotion is stressing me so much! Mabuti nalang talaga at napaka tyaka ng nagtuturo atnag ga-guide saakin dahil as in super! OA na kung OA pero hindi ko talaga maenjoy ang trabaho! Jusko! Feeling ko hindi ako tatagal dahil sa araw araw na ginawang Diyos, kinukulit ko sya na sana mairaos ko ang isang araw. Grabe! L nalulungkot talaga ako pero wala akong magagawa. Kailangan kong magtrabaho dahil hindi naman kami mayaman at nag-aaral pa ang kapatid ko. L

Stress,

Nikita Mae :(

Dear Someone I am praying for..

I dont know if this is still right. To wait for you and to pray for you knowing that you are in love with someone else. 

I dont know when it really started. You were just like a random thought that cross my mind. Una talaga parang wala lang. Ni hindi nga ako na-hookagad sa charms mo though lagi na kitang nakikita since naging active ako sa mga social media accounts ko. Until one day, I saw my old self in your tweet. Hugot kung hugot eh! haha!! Since then lagi ko ng inaabangan ang mga post at tweets mo. I made sure to hit the like botton everytime you cross my newsfeed on tweeter, facebook and Instagram. 

I rarely get attracted to anyone kahit sobrang gwapo pa yan. So, consider yourself lucky dahil nasilo mo ang paningin kong choosy. hehe.. At this age of 22, turning 23 this coming October, mabibilang ko talaga sa mga daliri ko sa kamay kung ilan na nag naging crush ko simuula ng mauso ang pagkakaroon ng crush. Ewan ko ba pero totoo talaga yon. Napaka arte ko di ba? So ayun na nga.. Crush na kita. :) Ay wait! erase!. Mas tama yata yung, naging crush nakita kasi, iba na ngayon eh. Hindi na yata crush lang. But then again, let me emphasis the word "yata". hayyyy... 

1:100 lang naman ang probability na mabasa mo ito pero sana, sana talaga... mabasa ko kahit hindi mo naman din malalaman na para sayo ito unless, mag milagro ang langit at igrant ni Lord ang prayers ko. :) 

So, this one is for you..

Plain and simple, nothing special. I am living a simple life. We are living in a perfect opposite world. I grew up in a simple way having only what I need while you, I think you grew up having everything. 

As impossible as a thunder rain in the middle of the dessert in the afternoon. Thats how I describe our chances to meet each other. It feels like you we're too high to reach and too far to get close.

But Im still hoping for the most impossible thing that can happen. I am praying for you. I am wishing for the happily ever after with you and I am waiting for you. This might be the craziest thing I ever wish for but who knows??..

Dear Someone I am praying for,

Kapag hindi kayo nagwork, seryoso.. hanapin mo ko, sasagutin ko lahat ng bitter lines at hugot mo. Sasaluhin kita kahit gaano pa kabigat at kasakit yang mararamdaman mo at mamahalin kita sa paraang kaya ko..

Love,

Someone who's praying for you. :)

Ps: Pareho tayo ng letter name initials kapag walaang middle name .. NMD iba nga lang ng arrangement..

June 27, 2016 10:43pm

It should not! 101

*deep sigh*

Three years of being single is not a big deal. Well, it should not. At the moment, I can say that I am living the time of my life. A good Job, good friends, fancy clothes, gadgets and of course stronger faith. 

I am beyond happy and blessed. Aware naman ako na sobra sobra ang blessings sakin kaya hanggat maari ay sini-share ko. Lahat na yata ng mga bagay na dinasal ko at dinadasal ko, ibinigay na at binibigay ni Lord. Pero sabi nga ng isang rule sa economics, man can never be satisfied. Its was like, after having what you want, you will surely want to have more or if not, want to have something new. And I am a living proof. Yes, sobrang blessed ako na makuha lahat ng gusto ko ngayon. Sometimes, I am thinking of, ano pa nga ba ang gusto ko? Ano pa bang kulang? 

Everytime I pray, I always say thank you for everything kasi sobrang nakaka-overwhelm yung mga natatanggap ko. Siguro kasi hindi ako sanay na laging nakukuha ang gusto ko kaya ganon nalang talaga ako sobra nabibigla minsan, yung tipong today gusto ko ng bagong damit tapos kinabukasan nabili ko na yung damit, mga tipong ganon. Pero minsan, dumadating talaga ako dun sa point na, parang may kulang. Yung may gusto ako na wala pa ako.

Whenever I see an old friend na ka-age ko that already have their own family, I always feel something different. Inggit? I dont know. Its just so nakakainggit to see them caring a cute baby, having a family date and such. Minsan naiisip ko, ano kaya ang feeling? hayyyy...

Yes! I am ready to have that 'someone' in my life. Someone I can tell all my worries and angst in life, someone I can text I love yous, someone who can hold my hand, someone I can cry and laugh with, someone who can accept and love me true. That someone who will stay with me at my worse and whom I can give my best. That someone I can finally call mine... *sigh*

Just like what I had said on my previous entry, I am praying for a specific person. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung alam ba nyang nage-exist ako. Kelan ko nga lang din nalaman na inlove sya... sa iba! (sakit bhe!) Pero gaya ng sabi ko din, I dont want to rush things for I believe, right things will happen on their own perfect time and that is, in God's perfect time. And if that someone I am praying for is not the one for me, its okay. Because I know, there will be someone for me in the future. Someone who worth the wait.

Alam kong hindi ko kailangang magmadali. Hindi ko kailangang problemahin. At hindi ako dapat mainip. Mejo nakakalungkot lang at nakakainggit. I was surrounded by people who are so inlove . Lovers are all over my sight and that was just somehow frustrating. :( I admit, I dont find myself pretty. I dont even have that sexy body. Wala din ako ng tinatawag nilang appeal. PERO, I am a Degree holder. Sa ngayon yun lang naman ang meron ako. Mabait ako, hindi ako maarte, pinalaki ako ng tama ng parents ko, may tatlong side ako, si Niki na madaldal, si Niki na tahimik at si Niki na hindi ka gusto. Simpleng-simple lang talaga ako. I am living my life the way I want it to be. Hindi ko kailangang magkunwari para i-please ang ibang tao. At hindi talaga ako ligawin na tao. May pagka-judgemental din ako minsan at gusto kong i-work out ang ugali ko na yon. Dahil ako mismo naiinis don.

To that someone I am praying for, If ever you and the girl you love now will not work out, can you please... find me???.. 

尼科喜欢尼基 <3 b="">

hayyyy! so much for now. Tomorrow I'll try to post more. :) 

尼基塔美 :) 

June 27, 2016 12:24am

Rant 101

Its not that Im complaining. 'Lemme just let it out here since I cant really tell it all personally because they might be offended. I am really fond of my niece and I find here so addicting and irresistible but you know the feeling of, ugh.. I dont know how to say it! 

My new past time in the office is online shopping. Shems yes! ONLINE! ( shopee, Lazada, olx! ) Aside from bags and clothes, I also check the baby's stuffs and everything are just so adorable and I want to buy them all for my niece. Whenever my sister ask me to buy this and that for my niece, I really find it hard to say NO! I dont know why I cant say know to her when in fact we didnt grow up that close. Sabi ko nga di ba? Nung mga bubwit palang kami hanggang sa magkaisip, may kanya kanya kaming mundong apat. We all dont share the same interests in all things. Feeling ko nga sobrang opposite kaming apat. And me and my ate are just so ugh! Hindi talaga kami magkasundo. As in we always clash! And I dont know why. Basta ang alam ko, ayaw nya sakin at ako naman kasi yung taong, kung ayaw mo sakin, mas ayaw ko sayo. 

So here's the thing. Since she got married I notice that we ( kaming apat na magkakapatid) are kinda grow up some more. What I mean is, nabawasan ng very light ang pagiging immature namin. maybe because seeing ate getting married make us realize that we are not really getting any younger. (well, thats on my side, ewan ko lang sa kuya ko at sa youngest sister namin). One thing I dont like is that, I find ate so lazy to find a job. Among us four, she is the one who is more educated. Yun talaga ang pinaniniwalaan ko kahit Degree holder ako at College graduate naman sya. She was enrolled in a Catholic School ever since she started her Student journey. From Nursery-Fourth year High School. Kaming tatlo naman, ay proud product ng Elementary School at Public High School hanggang College. I am not complaining though. I love how the Public School molded me. Because I am proud that I am employed 4 days after my college graduation! haha!. Going back, as I was saying, ate dont have a job so as her husband. Her in-laws and our parents are supporting them and the needs of my niece, their daughter. ( oh I forgot, she's a two year course graduate.) 

It irritates me whenever my mom brag me and as for something like, can you buy this, buy that and that and that for my niece. I once answered her, "kung anolang yung gustong bilhin para kay baby yun lang ang bibilhin ko." Not that I dont want to help or buy nice things for my niece but, i think we are giving too much?? Kase parang nakakalimutan ng kapatid ko na responsibilidad nila yon at hindi namin. Even my Dad is so addicted to the point na hindi nya talaga matiis hindi bigyan. My younger sister even told me once that the money I gave dad for his medicines and fruits are used to buy milk and diaper for my niece! I was like, wow! Why the hell in this world this is happening??  Nakakainis lang kasi talaga minsan. Yung bakit kasi ganyan? hay ewan ko ba! Lately, while we are preparing for Bella's birthday, my tita's are teasing me to save money for my niece's coming birthday this October. first I was just shrugging off and laugh at them pero nung paulit ulit na, I told them, mag-aasawa nako! ( this mag-aasawa nako has something to do with my next entry later. :) ). Para lang matigil sila. Like, what the?? Bakit naman nila sakin sinasabi yon eh hamak na tita lang naman ako. Yeah I know, they are telling me that because I am the one who have a job. And they know that sa panahon na kailangan, pwede nila akong tawagan. Pero di ba? Ang wifi nga namin sa bahay may limit, ako pa kaya? Ayoko lang kasi na umasa sila. October is my birth month and I want to have something new this year. So If I am saving for October, its for my birthday. 

Really, I dont want you guys to think that I am complaining. I am so blessed with so much thats why I want to share it to my family. Kung kakayanin nga lang eh, gusto ko din ito ishare sa extended family ko. Hayyyyy... 

Lord, please enlighten me. :(

love, 

Niki..

June 26,2016 11:13pm

entry 101

Its been a long and tiring day for the whole family as we celebrated Bella's first birthday. It was just a simple celebration held at our humble abode. I've been longing to post an entry because the last time I post is when we we're in Baguio pa and that is last week!! Oh dear.. I really miss the place, take me back please?..

I am really excited to go back even for a two-days-one night trip again. ( yun lang yata ang kakayanin talaga ng sched ko since ayokong mag file ng leave kung hindi rin lang naman talaga kailangan.) And one more thing to consider is my ever supportive-spoiler ( as in spoiled talaga ako sa kanya ng 999.99%) Arra Cassandra Velasquez Jimenez. :) ( isang pabebe wave para sayo my loves! ) haha! Dahil wala akong boyfriend,ka-fling at ka M.U,. Its her who I fond to call, loves, babe, baby and honey. So, ayun nga. Gusto ko lang sabihing may friend ako na gaya nya mainggit na ang gustong mainggit! charot! But kidding aside, I am looking forward to go back to Baguio with her naman dahil alam kong hinding hindi nya ako bibiguin. 

To my crazy Cassey,

I so love you!! huehue.. Im looking forward to more adventures and tours and experiences with you!

Its been a week so, Im gonna post more entries tonight. Keep reading guys!

love,

Nikita Mae

June 26, 2016 10:13pm

You'll be miss forevs!..

'Love, I see forever in your eyes.. I can see heaven in your smile.. And when I hold you close, I dont want to let go because deep in my soul I know girl, that you are the only light I see.. Your love means everything to me.. '

I miss the way we sang this song together. I miss the laughters we always share with each other. I miss the way you hug me. 'Miss the way you kiss my temple whenever I cry and you will say, 'Okay lang yan!'. I miss the way you cheer me when I feel down and sad. I miss.... I miss the way you say ' loveyou! '. I miss... .. .. I miss you..

All of a sudden, I'm feeling nostalgic. While I am listening to our favorite songs I suddenly wanna go back to the days where you will sit beside me and we will listen to our favorite playlist together. I will lean my head on your shoulder then you will lean yours on my head. And when I started to sing the song we are listening, you will cover my mouth and say, 'ako nalang ang sasabay sa kanta. Nasisira eh.'. Then you will laugh. You're laugh that I miss the most. Yung tawa na kasama pati mata.

I can still remember one time when you asked me to sing "I Do" because you told me its one of your favorite song and you want to dedicate it to me. But I refused and I said 'pangit yan. Ayoko.' You didn't asked why but I know deep inside your wondering that's why I told you my reason. And I swear, your reaction was epic! As in E-P-I-C! I was half-shocked when you said, (excuse the word) " P*tangina pati yon?!' Its not as if its the first time I heared you curse that's why I felt a bit shocked but, its because of your facial expression and the tone of your voice. High pitch eh? XD

hay... (*insert deep sigh here) 'Emma really missing you and I don't know why. I wish we could still bump into each other in the street, but I perfectly know that we couldn't.

How I wish to meet someone like you where I can share my new favorite songs, someone like you who will sing and listen to a certain song with me until I got tired of it and play another song. Someone whom I can lean my head on his shoulder. Someone who will sing me my favorite songs, (our 98 degrees favorite songs.) and someone, who always see the good things in me when everyone only see the bad. But yeah I know! Waiting to meet someone like you is like waiting for a falling star to pass by in a starless-cloudy-night sky.

As much as I want to see you, talk to you, lean my head on your shoulder, listen to 98 degrees's songs like we used to do, eat chocolate and ice cream in your car, play Farmville 2 on our own Ipads', read the stories I wrote in wattpad together and cook 'kung ano ang maisip'' together, I know. It will never happen again.

And because I miss you, lemme sing for you. (hehehe) this time, hindi kana makakareklamo na hindi kagandahan ang boses ko dahil hindi mo naman na maririnig. Ni hindi mo nga mababasa ang ita-type kong lyrics kahit pa gustuhin ko pang basahin mo. :) 

We do almost everything that lovers do,

And that's why its hard, just to be friends with you..

Every time your heart is broken by the fool,..

I want you to know, that it hurts me too..

Its hard to wipe your tears away..

knowing that you should be with me..

Now tell me why??..

Why are we still friends?

when everything says..

We should be more than we are..

And tell me why?.. Every time I find,

Someone that I like..

We always end up just being... Friends..

So, did you like it? I am singing it inside my head while I do the typing of its lyrics. :) I can almost see your brows frowning my dear.

Its one of our favorite song, do you still remember? :)

'Gone crazy with our memories now because I'm missing you so bad. And it makes me sad. I've been wanting to hear your voice singing "On this day" since this morning. I miss the way you glance at me while you sang the song. You even asked me once if I wanted it to be my wedding song and I told you I don't because I want it to be, "Forevermore" by Side A. You told me, 'gasgas na yun eh, gamit na gamit na.' and I answered you 'hindi naman ikaw ang pakakasalan ko kaya wag kang anu dyan!' then you answered me, 'ako pa ba? ah basta!'.

It was like, it's just yesterday. It was yesterday when you left without a single word and that hurts but I understand. You left not because you want to, it's because you have to. Only a few people (related to me) got the chance to meet you and see you in person. Even my close friends only knew your existence through my stories about you. Sabi mo pa nga, siguro natatakot akong makita ka nila kasi baka magwapuhan sila sayo at ligawan ka. It's not just once that you ask me to introduce you to my best friends but I always refuse. I either don't know my reason why I don't want them to see you. Swear!

It's one of the things that I regret. Sana nakilala ka nila. Sana nakita ka din nila. I hope they saw how amazing person you are.

:( I miss you.. And I am glad that we've got the chance to create too many memories I can always look back whenever I miss you. Memories that I will always remember whenever I listen to our favorite 98 degrees band songs. Memories that are for keeps forevs.. :)

Love, I see forever in your eyes

I can see heaven in your smile

And when I hold you close

I don't want to let go

Because deep in my soul I know girl

That you are the only light I see

Your love means everything to me

I promise that we'll never part

'Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

Girl, you're like an angel from above

Sent here to shower me with your love

Hold me beneath your wings

Tell me all of the things

All the hopes and the dreams we can share

'Cause I'll be your shelter from the storm

I'll be the fire that keeps you warm

I'll be your light in the dark

Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

If anything could last forever

It's what I feel for you

Oh baby, you touch my heart in ways

That words could never say

That's why I'll always love you

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you..

Love,

Niki :)

Friendship it is..

Love... 1 word, 4 letters,.

I wanna make this entry short as much as I can..

And so I just finished watching the last 3 episode of OTWOL and at the moment I am listening to the soap's theme song which is 'On The Wings of Love' JaDine version level 999!!. Dont get me wrong,. I am a solid AlDub fanatic. Its just that I got curious about the OTWOL finale. 

Dear Aldubnation, inaamin ko, nagtaksil ako ng isang gabi sa fanmily natin..huhuhu..sorry na please??..

I admit. I am a big fan of happy-ever-after stories. And really, bilib ako sa mga showbiz people na nakaka-survive ng relationship nila kahit ang daming nakikisawsaw and such,. Isnt amazing that, no matter how difficult it is to handle a showbiz career, they still manage to make their relationship survive and make it to the altar together?..and live happily ever after... awww.. how's that?.. Isnt great to be inlove and be loved at the same time?..

Are you brokenhearted now and you're one of those who always says, "walang Forever"?.. oh come on!. take a look at your family picture. Guilty as charge,. I was one of those who always says, 'walang forever!' those were the times where I feel so broken hearted and I feel betrayed but, Whenever I pass to a certain spot in our house, there's this picture hanged in the wall that made me believe that at some point, the word "Forever" really exist. My loving parents surrounded by 4 off-springs who stands as their evidence of their love in one picture. Our Family picture.

Going back, so I was talking about OTWOL lately and just had finished watching JaDine's interview with Grethen Ho and Robi Domingo. Though I am a 'pure blooded' AlDub fan, I cant halp to feel 'kilig' while watching their interview. The way they look at each other, their classped hands, their sweet glances and the way they describe each other. Hay!. lakas maka-ALDUB din kaya!. Kilig Level 999.7?. sorry hindi ko talaga kayang ibigay ang Level 999.9 kasi, sa AlDub/MaiDen yun!. hehehe..

From Reel to Real. 

So umamin na ang JaDine.. at nakakakilig talaga yung moment nila promise!. James Reid amazed me. Yung sinabi nyang 'Nadine.....I.. Love You' sa harap ng maraming tao. Its not that easy just like what others think,. it takes a lot of courage pero nagawa nya di ba?.. :) 

As of AlDub naman,. dahil naghihintay pa silang dalawa ng right time. one step at a time. Slowly but surely.. ayiiie.. cant wait kahit parang may something na talaga.. huehue.. excited tayo ADN sa takdang panahon. Yes?.. Yes of course!. hehehe.

AlDub and JaDine. From Reel to Real. So, who's next?..ay ang showbiz..

To end this entry. I want to share something, bigla ko lang din kasing na-realize 'to.

We often say, except for Love, 'Trust' is the main and strongest foundation of a relationship. But for me, 'Friendship' is still the best foundation of a good relationship. Why? Because here is where the real relationship starts. How will you know someone if he/she is not be your friend at first? How will you trust someone if he/she is not your friend? How will you love someone you don't know and you don't trust in the first place?.. right?.

So, Frienship it is. Yes?. For me it is. Because Daddy and Mama start as friends. Well, me and David started as friends too before and hopefully, we'll be back to being friends again soon. James and Nadine started as friends too.. At syempre ang peborit kong mag BFF,. Alden and Maine. Friends, Close Friends, BFF , Special friends,.whatever they call it..basta Friends sila at sana talaga,. magkatuluyan din sila evetually. Pero ulit,. mas type ko ung mag-BetterHalf.. ayiiii.. :*


Nikita..

My very own 'the one that got away'..

Maybe.,after you had read the title of this entry,.you already have an idea on who's my 'the one that got away'.. that is,.if you are reading my blog entries regularly or you had this little free time to scan some of my entries, but here it goes anyway.

After 4 relationship.,I can say that, I already met this one whom I can say 'the one that got away'. This someone and I had shared so much on the past years when we are in-a-relationship status. So much ..so much to the point that,. almost everything and anything reminds me about 'how' and 'what' we are before we broke up..before everything had changed,.before everything between us fall apart,.before he realized that., hindi na nya ko mahal.. :( ang hirap englishin..tagalog nalang.. :(

So,.ano o sino nga ba si 'The One That Got Away?'.. Sabi ni google..ito daw ung taong makikilala mo by fate..you will somehow share the same interest in somethings,.you have something in common.,mga ganun.. There are two kinds: one is,.you came to the point where you made it to the point of having a relationship and the second one is where you choose to stay as friends. (uyy saan ka dyan?..hahaha ako dun sa 1! hahaha ). Ang hirap i-explain..pero ito ung stage na,.ramdam nyong may something.,masaya kayo sa isat-isa,.minsan nga iisipin mo na sya na ung 'the one' pero dadating ung point na masasabi mo din.,hindi pa pala..but onetheless., this someone will forever have a special part or place in your life,.ung tipong gusto mong kalimutan pero parang ayaw mo din?kasi some how,.may napunan sya sa pagkatao mo na hindi naibigay ng iba. yown!.

In my case.,yes I already met this someone., must be fate right?..he came in the right time.,the time when I feel so damn broken and wasted. He didnt just made me happy,.he made me live again.,he made me see that life has so much to offer and that I have so much to be thankful for.. I love how he made me feel special every time, how he care and how kind he is. As in,.hands down.Sobrang bait talaga. Life isnt a bed of roses everyday for the both of us but he always made sure that at the end of the day,. the last text message i will receive from him is 'I Love You So Much' *insert our endearment on after the word much*... Really,. I am looking forward on growing old with this someone but I guess,.just like what i had said on my other entry,. we are not meant to be. we are not born for each other. We are not bound to share the same 'happy-ever-after'.

If 'you' ever have the time to read this entry,. I want you to know that,. you will always have a special place in my life. That after the countless rejections from you, after our painful goodbyes (na hanggang ngayon paulit ulit parin), after upbraiding each other non-stop pag walang masisi sa mga nangyare,. still,. I want to keep you..,no not you literally but your memories,.our memories together. I know,.there came a point where i said 'nagsisisi ako na minahal kita'., not just once nor twice.,and I know I hurt you by that so.,forgive me?..I dont really mean it.,sometimes I just dont know how to control the words I am saying specially when im in the peak of my emotions., pero di ba., sabi mo din 'kung alam ko lang na masasaktan ka sakin sana hindi nalang?' ..masakit din kaya yon!. mag-sorry ka!..hahaha de joke lang!..lagi mo naman din kasing sinasabi na .,hindi ka nagsisisi na minahal mo ko., ahehe,,(*wink).. Whenever I asked you 'bakit mo ko minahal?' you will just smile and say 'masarap ka kasing mahalin at alagaan..', 'kahit ipagtabuyan mo ko mas lalo pa kitang mamahalin'.. those were the lines that hit my heart hard and made me fall inlove more..hays..but anyway. We're not meant to grow old together..though I wanna dedicate this song to you..as I listen to this song lately,.a certain 'picture' from the past cross on my mind.. ung yakap kita sa harap ng guard house habang nakaupo ako dun sa lagi kong inuupuan pag break time?..ung kung saan nakalagay ung log book ni Mang Emy.,ung first time mong mag uniform nung college ka tas pinuntahan mo ko sa school?..naalala mo?..un ung unang beses na niyakap kita.. :) so ito na..sana alam mo 'tong song..

Another day passes by, i'm dreamin' of you,

And though I know it might be just a dream, dreams come true,

Somewhere, somehow i'll find you even though it takes all of

My life{all of my life}

And when I finally do{and when I finally do}

I know inside my heart{ I know inside my heart}

That there could be no doubt, I knew it from the start

{you are the one}you are the one

That i've been searching for my whole life through,

{you are the one}you are the one that i've been looking for

And now that I have found you,

{duet}i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

You are the one

Another night spent alone

I'm lying in the dark{lying in the dark}

I don't know your name

But I know your voice sings to my heart{voice sings to my heart}

A sweet melody, a symphony of love

I know that come one day{i know that come one day}

A time for you and me{a time for you and me}

To finally be together, cause I know we're meant to be

{you are the one}you are the one

That i've been searching for my whole life through,

{you are the one}you are the one that i've been looking for

And now that I have found you,

{duet}i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

Forever's a meaningless word

Even though you're here with me

Here by my side, here in my heart....

{duet} i'll never let you go i'll hold you in my arms

{you are the one} you are the one that i've been searching for my whole life through

{you are the one}that i've been looking for and now that I have found you

{duet} i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

{you are the one}you are the one

That i've been searching for my whole life through,

{you are the one}you are the one that i've been looking for

And now that I have found you,

{duet}i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

Cause you are the one, you are the one

PS: 'you are the one' kase.. you're my 'the one that got away'

PPSS: David knows about my blog but Im not sure if he finds time to read.. :)

Niki.. :)

after four heartbreaks..

Its a typical thursday night. So many thoughts are crossing my mind lately and I cant understand why. What ifs, So whats, If ever, and so much more but what really bothers me is the thought of 'settling down' in the near future. How's that? Kinda weird for me because I'm only 22. Im supposed to enjoy my life and my starting career but I wonder why these thoughts are bothering me.

Who wouldn't want to settle down with someone who loves you? Care for you, respect you, and only see his future with you too?

From the first time I fell in-love, that was 2007? I think. puppy love as they say. Hindi naman kami tumagal non pero syempre umiyak ako kahit papano. I experienced my very first heartbreak from Aj. Our relationship lasted for 3 months I think, he broke up with me to have a second chance with his first love named Kathlyn. (Pero,ayun hindi din sila nag work!.tsk! tsk!..ano ka ngayon? chos!). My second heartbreak was just so.....funny?..hehehe..well I didn't cry that hard like I did when Aj and i broke up but,.maybe me and my ex named Bret just happened to be more likely on being friends than more than friends?...(di talaga ako sigurado pero,.magulo talaga..) he broke up with me when his mom offered him a new computer set in exchanged on breaking up with me. It happened that he love playing computer games than me so he did broke up with me.(huhuhu..why so rude?..charing!). The next heartbreak i had after Bret hit me so hard!. As in!. I cried a river, begged for a second chance, risk my life (oppps?..lalim?..d naman ganun ka literal pero ung stage na susugatan ko ung sarili ko..you know,.those kind of stuff..uso kasi un nun sa school pag broken hearted kaya,.nakikiuso ako..hehe)., i'll not mention a name na lang but this one had something to do with how David and I met. (ayiih! *insert sarcastic smirk here). I dont know why but I really fell inlove so hard with this one. As in!. sa kanya ako natuto ng PDA. HHWW, hug everywhere, anywhere, everytime!. (hus!.bata pa ko non wag nyo kong husgahan!.). Pero hindi naman kami masyadong nagtagal. On and Off pa nga kami nun eh,.pero syempre 'hit hard' nga eh.. whenever this someone comes back to me after breaking my heart,.I always give in. .mejo close to one year yata pero hindi naman un steady,ay naging iba pa nga sya. But nonetheless,. this one made me happy and feel love even though we didn't work that well. The best thing happened in this heartbreak is that, I got to know David.We become friends,.close friends. And eventually, fell in-love after that 'someone' broke my heart big time.! Then here comes David. The one who made my world stop when we're together. The one who made me cry in so much love and happiness, give everything and anything just to see me smile. The only person who loves me true (except sa parents at family ko at friends ko.), accept all my flaws, cry with me when im sad, comfort me when needed, laugh with me..fall inlove with me every single day of our relationship. And the best thing that David made me feel is that., He made me his world..his everything. I had mention David countless of times on my past entries. I even share some parts of our loves story specially the 'break up' part. So when you read this you probably know what happened between me and David,.why we didnt last.(kaya,.ladies and getlemen,.wag na natin ulitin ah?move on na tayo pwede?) (PS: Im david's first kiss, first dance, first hug pero d ako sure sa hug..hahaha..wala nasabi ko lang..) (I believe in the saying,. maging kayo man ngayon,.oh edi kayo na,.nauna parin ako!.haha..charooot!)

Edi ayon na nga., after four heartbreaks,. here I am,.single and not yet ready to fall inlove again. :) lamnyoyan!.. anyways,.before I started the 'story telling part' I am talking about the thoughts of 'settling down',.siguro youre thinking now,.'anong connect?'.. ganito nga kasi yon., Since the thoughts of settling down thingy keeps on bothering me this past few days,. naiisip ko tuloy,. sino nga kaya ung binigay na other half ko ni Lordie?..have I met him before?..does our path already cross?..I was wondering if... oh well, nevermind. And one more thing..hihihi..among my four past love,. there is 1 person who stands out that I once dreamed of myself walking down the aisle with him, exchanging I dos with him, delivering a heartfelt vow for him in our wedding day, wiping my tears of joy while listening to his vow, exchanging of rings, building dreams together, holding each others hand as we walk toward our happy-ever-after. *deep sigh* I only see all of these with David. :'(

But I know,. 'all of these'  are not bound to happened for me with David. Because we're not meant to be. He's not the one that the Lord gave me to spend the rest of my life with. He would never be the one who will wait for me in the altar as I walk down the aisle. He's not the one who will give me the most heart melting vow. As much as I want too,. he will never be the one who will hold my hand and walk toward our Happy-ever-after and again,.its because David and I are not meant for each other. :(

the sad story teller,

Niki :'(