Random 1.02 10/08/16

Rare times:

1. I feel genuinely happy.
2. I feel complete.
3. I feel secured.
4. I feel loved.
5. I feel needed.
6. I feel fine.
7. I feel well rested.
8. I feel important.
9. I feel fulfilled.
10. I feel … wanted.

Mostly:

1. I feel sad.
2. I am hurt.
3. I want to cry.
4. I want to go away.
5. I want to be alone.
6. I want silence.
7. I want to feel loved.
8. I want to be hug.
9. I want to feel secured.
10. I want to give in and sulk in loneliness.
11. I want to sleep so I won’t feel sad, hurt and lonely.
12. I feel the need to have someone where I can tell every single pain I am hiding.
13. I think of running away and never come back.

I wish:

1. To be happy.
2. To be love deeply.
3. To be accepted for whom I am really.
4. To have more love.
5. To be the most important person to someone.
6. I could just be me… all the time.

Someday:

1. All this pain would be ease.
2. I will be happy.. for real.
3. I can runaway and I will not hesitate anymore.
4. I will feel that I am worth to love, to cherish and to keep.
5. I will be free from hurt
6. There will be someone who will hold my hand and never let go of me no matter how hard it is to love me and no matter what the world will say.

Someday, I will not cry alone anymore. Because there will be someone who will cry with me when I am in pain. No matter how hard life can get, I will still be holding on to what the future will offer. It may not be now, but soon I know, everything will fall on their proper places and I will be happy. I will be free from pain and sadness.

Sobrang random ban g entry?? Wala feel ko lang talaga..

-Niki

Secret Dream..

Didnt I mention in this blog that I had this secret dream to be a writer? Iilan lang talaga ang nakaka-alam don kasi nga, secret! I had been writing stories since I was in grade six though I stopped when I enter high school. Later on college I decided to write again, and this time, hindi na sa notebook o grade 4 paper, sa wattpad na! hahaha!! I so love reading wattpad stories that's why I decided to gave writing a try. As of now, I already had 3 completed stories, 2 on-hold and 1 that is soon to be completed.

My current stories is about two people whom started because of the unintentional eavesdropping of the main character.I had been writing it for more than half a year now and I am currently writing its 38th chapter at malapit na syang matapos! Yehey!! Excited ako pero at the same time, it saddened me too for I will be bidding goodbye to the #FatedNicNiks so soon. :) Napaka habang delay na nga ng ending nila dahil kakaisip ko ng pwedeng twist na ipasok, But the main character are just too madly, deeply and crazy inlove with each other so, imagine the struggle habang pinipilut kong magalitr si Girl kay Boy kasi sobrang hirap! Napaka bait naman kasi ni Boy at sobrang love nya si Girl. And ending,walang magandang kinapupuntahan ang mga LQ nila dahil sila yung tipo na, away ngayon, bati na bukas. Ganon! Hindi naman din kasi ako ganon kagaling magsulat so, sinisimplehan ko lang din naman ang mga banat. Huhu... I will surely miss Mr. NDM and Mrs. NDM and of course, Willow a.k.a Baby Nicnik. Yesterday, I started to write the 37th chapter and it happened that this chapter is about their wedding. Sa sobrang Inlove ng mga character, masyado yatang napahaba ang wedding vows na nagawa ko. Specially the Boy's wedding vow na kaninang madaling araw ko lang natapos. Their vows are just so much to feel and I am happy for them..yiiiiih!

As much as I want to make this entry a little longer, I dont really feel good and I all I want to do is lay down to my bed and rest.

Ps: The title of the story I am talking about is Fated na may heart gawa sa less than 3. Ayan! Hanapin kung mahahanap! hahaha!<3 ako="" and="" characters.="" crush="" font="" for="" hahhaahha="" i="" imagine="" lead="" lol="" mag="" may="" my="" name="" paano="" s="" the="" used="">

Kung maka hahaha! naman ako akala mo walang problema! Eh, magtutuos na kami ni Sir bukas at wala akong kalaban laban. :( 

Dear Bes, ipag-pray mo naman na hindi ako maiyaki kasi isa sa pinaka ayaw ko ay ang napapagalitan. :(

-Niki

Letting Go...

What is the difference between moving on and letting go?.. 

If I would be asked to define 'moving on' I would say its more about life changing part, Its a process where you let your self go on with your life alone. It's more about going back into your life track before getting involved in a relationship. I'm not saying that moving on is easy, we all know it's not. Been there, done that. But it's something that we should do in order to live a normal life and stop being miserable after having a painful heartbreak. 

While 'Letting Go' is more on feelings. After crying a pool of tears every night and every single day, starving yourself, listening to your heartbreak songs, making yourself miserable and such. This is the stage where you finally get over on all the pain you had gone through, it's the time where you realize and accept that everything happens for a reason. Lemme say, you finally let go of everything when you finally got yourself back on track, it's when you feel happy because there's so many reasons to be happy than to feel sad and lonely just because something happened the way you didn't want them to be. Do you get me?

I wanna share the feeling that I have now. After a long time of holding on to the feelings that I thought would last forever, after crying a river, after a bloody fight on the moving on stage and after realizing that life has so much to offer, finally.. I can finally say that, I had moved on and I am letting all the feelings go. The pain of heartbreak, endless sentiments, regrets and hatreds.

Moving on is hard but after you had done on this part and let go of everything that brought pain to you, after accepting everything, you'll next have the best feeling. The feeling of facing life with a new you, a new life and a new heart that is strong and courageous. 

God has better plans for me than I do and I believe that he's working on the best love story for me. It may not be the perfect love story I dreamed of ever since but I know, the love story that he prepares for me is worth the wait. 

PS: Dear Future someone who's destined for me, I am looking forward to meet you soon. :) I can't promise not to hurt you, but I can assure you that I will take good care of you and I will love you true. So, see you soon?..

PPS: Pinag-p-pray kita kaya sana, iba ka na talaga. Aldub you!.