Random 1.02 10/08/16

Rare times:

1. I feel genuinely happy.
2. I feel complete.
3. I feel secured.
4. I feel loved.
5. I feel needed.
6. I feel fine.
7. I feel well rested.
8. I feel important.
9. I feel fulfilled.
10. I feel … wanted.

Mostly:

1. I feel sad.
2. I am hurt.
3. I want to cry.
4. I want to go away.
5. I want to be alone.
6. I want silence.
7. I want to feel loved.
8. I want to be hug.
9. I want to feel secured.
10. I want to give in and sulk in loneliness.
11. I want to sleep so I won’t feel sad, hurt and lonely.
12. I feel the need to have someone where I can tell every single pain I am hiding.
13. I think of running away and never come back.

I wish:

1. To be happy.
2. To be love deeply.
3. To be accepted for whom I am really.
4. To have more love.
5. To be the most important person to someone.
6. I could just be me… all the time.

Someday:

1. All this pain would be ease.
2. I will be happy.. for real.
3. I can runaway and I will not hesitate anymore.
4. I will feel that I am worth to love, to cherish and to keep.
5. I will be free from hurt
6. There will be someone who will hold my hand and never let go of me no matter how hard it is to love me and no matter what the world will say.

Someday, I will not cry alone anymore. Because there will be someone who will cry with me when I am in pain. No matter how hard life can get, I will still be holding on to what the future will offer. It may not be now, but soon I know, everything will fall on their proper places and I will be happy. I will be free from pain and sadness.

Sobrang random ban g entry?? Wala feel ko lang talaga..

-Niki

Random 10/08/16

Hi!

I’ve been so lazy for the past few days ( always naman! ). Hehe. Anyway, our Team Leader is back from her Vacation Leave and we already talked. Though we are still waiting for Sir to come back for the final verdict of my mistake, I still feel somehow a little lighter. I am also on the process of moving on with my mistake. Nangyare na, wala na din naman akong magagawa kahit isipin ko pa ng isipin. Move on and be extra extra extra careful. Yan lang naman ang pwede kong gawin para hindi na maulit. I am just so thankful for having my Ninang Jazz ( I call her Ninang because she will be my Godmother someday, pag magpapakasal nako hehe..) because she never failed to give me the ‘words’ I needed when my negative thoughts attack. I really love how she comforts me everytime and how she make me realized the things that I need to understand.

So how are you doing guys? Its already October 8,2016 today. Imagine how past 2016 was, parang ilang kembot lang ang lumipas October na. Bukas makalawa,mare-realize mo nalang bigla December na pala. 2017 is just around the corner and yet my 2016 bucket list is not even half-way fulfilled! That was just so sad but, maybe I can still continue doing the others next year? Yes?  *sigh.

Lately, we attended the wedding of Eugene, ( younger brother of my bestfriend Eunice. ) It was a simple wedding, the typical province-type. Pero alam nyo ba? That wedding show me how great person Tito Allen and Tita Vicky are. They are not rich but they raise their children well and full of love. Hindi araw araw may makikilala kang katulad nila na gagawin ang lahat para siguraduhing nasa tamang daan ang mga anak nila. Tito Allen is such a great father, for me, the wedding is not for his son Eugene, rather its for Michelle. ( Eugene’s Bride). Eugene is younger than his wife but then again, that doesn’t excuse him for not marrying Michelle. Tito Allen also don’t want to just let them living-in together not getting married. His reason is simple, he have daughters too. I wonder what would dad do if he was on Tito Allen’s shoes. Anyways, our eldest sister is civilly married.

Niki..

Secret Dream..

Didnt I mention in this blog that I had this secret dream to be a writer? Iilan lang talaga ang nakaka-alam don kasi nga, secret! I had been writing stories since I was in grade six though I stopped when I enter high school. Later on college I decided to write again, and this time, hindi na sa notebook o grade 4 paper, sa wattpad na! hahaha!! I so love reading wattpad stories that's why I decided to gave writing a try. As of now, I already had 3 completed stories, 2 on-hold and 1 that is soon to be completed.

My current stories is about two people whom started because of the unintentional eavesdropping of the main character.I had been writing it for more than half a year now and I am currently writing its 38th chapter at malapit na syang matapos! Yehey!! Excited ako pero at the same time, it saddened me too for I will be bidding goodbye to the #FatedNicNiks so soon. :) Napaka habang delay na nga ng ending nila dahil kakaisip ko ng pwedeng twist na ipasok, But the main character are just too madly, deeply and crazy inlove with each other so, imagine the struggle habang pinipilut kong magalitr si Girl kay Boy kasi sobrang hirap! Napaka bait naman kasi ni Boy at sobrang love nya si Girl. And ending,walang magandang kinapupuntahan ang mga LQ nila dahil sila yung tipo na, away ngayon, bati na bukas. Ganon! Hindi naman din kasi ako ganon kagaling magsulat so, sinisimplehan ko lang din naman ang mga banat. Huhu... I will surely miss Mr. NDM and Mrs. NDM and of course, Willow a.k.a Baby Nicnik. Yesterday, I started to write the 37th chapter and it happened that this chapter is about their wedding. Sa sobrang Inlove ng mga character, masyado yatang napahaba ang wedding vows na nagawa ko. Specially the Boy's wedding vow na kaninang madaling araw ko lang natapos. Their vows are just so much to feel and I am happy for them..yiiiiih!

As much as I want to make this entry a little longer, I dont really feel good and I all I want to do is lay down to my bed and rest.

Ps: The title of the story I am talking about is Fated na may heart gawa sa less than 3. Ayan! Hanapin kung mahahanap! hahaha!<3 ako="" and="" characters.="" crush="" font="" for="" hahhaahha="" i="" imagine="" lead="" lol="" mag="" may="" my="" name="" paano="" s="" the="" used="">

Kung maka hahaha! naman ako akala mo walang problema! Eh, magtutuos na kami ni Sir bukas at wala akong kalaban laban. :( 

Dear Bes, ipag-pray mo naman na hindi ako maiyaki kasi isa sa pinaka ayaw ko ay ang napapagalitan. :(

-Niki

My Wedding March be like.. :)

While writing this entry, i am listening to one of my playlist in spotify.,tambay ako sa playlist na to mula kaninang start ng duty ko dahil sobrang na LSS ako sa kantang 'to.,.8 songs na isa lang ang title..yan ang laman ng playlist ko.. :) old habit die hard. Ako lang ba? o,na-experience nyo din ung pakiramdam na, isang kanta lang ang pinakikinggan pero hindi nakakasawa?..

So ito na nga., sobrang na-LSS nga kasi ako sa kantang 'to at feeling ko talaga.,perfect to!.Perfect to para sa wedding ko!. hahahahah! yay!. as in bawat lyrics perfect. I love listening to love songs and as a matter of fact, I have a long list of love songs na gusto kong gamitin sa wedding ko someday. (kung ikakasal ako!) ewan ko ba pero eto ung list ko:

1. On this Day by David Pomerance

2. I Do by 98 Degrees

3. God Gave me you by Bryan White

4. Because of you by Keith Martin

5. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by Julie Ann ft Elmo

6. Best in Me by Blue

7. It's True by Backstreet Boys

8. Forevermore by Side A

9. True by Ryan Cabrera

10. Angel's Brought me here by Guy Sebastian

11. For All of My life by MYMP

12. Here in my Heart by Plus One

13. Ngiti by Ronnie Liang

at ang pinaka latest nga sa listahan at sa palagay ko,ang pinaka pinaka pinaka gusto ko..

14. Colour Everywhere bu Christian Bautista

Kasi..ang ganda ng message ng kanta na 'to promise., I can imagine myself walking down the aisle, my parents are on my side, holding a boquet of pink tulips, wearing my wedding dress and a long veil, .... hanggang dun muna. Tyaka na ung 'smiling sweetly to my happy-ever-after as he waits for my at the altar' ..

Here's my favorite part of this song anyway:

my life is so predictale

never any mystery

but ever since you shined the light

all of that was history

now i have a hand to hold

and a reason to believe

there's someone in my worth living for

i was hanging around just wishing on a star

to put the happines back in my heart and...

you, you put the blue back in the sky

you put the rainbow in my eyes

a silver lining in my prayers

and now there's colour everywhere...

*dreamy sigh* wherefore art thou my husband to be? 

sharing a thought about my future wedding,

Dreaming Niki.. :)