It felt normal and fun..

Hello there!

It’s November 16 to day and I don’t have any plans to do- yet. Mama woke me u early lately to look over the viand she’s cooking. I’m betting bored and I need to do something to ease this thing ugh!  Syempre hindi nako sanay ng ganito, pahinga pahinga lang! Id only I can go to the mall every single day of this suspension thingy, I would do so!

Yesterday I got there actually. I arrived around past 3pm and got myself a venti cup of Caffe’ Mocha, its not my usual but I just want to, for a change. I waited for David and he arrived around 4pm.

Yes, I am with Davis yesterday. We walked around the mall and talked random things. I don’t know why, all of a sudden we’re so comfortable with each other. What I mean is, date kasi parang ang awkward. Err, I suddenly realized that I am right all along. That the two of us are better off friends. We spent one hour at the videoke hub and sang random songs. And then again, I find it weird thou hindi ko alam kung bakit eh. There is this one song I made him sing, ‘All or Nothing’ by O-Town. While he sing, I was actually singing with him without a mic. Basta sinasabayan ko lang sya kasi feeling ko talaga ah, ayaw sakin ng Mic! Feeling ko sinasabotahe ako ng Mic sa mga videokehan eh. Going back, while singing, I realized that, that song is kinda fitting in in our past. I shrugged it of but It sends me into deep thoughts so I looked for it again in the song book and had it played again and this time, I am the one who sang it. Eh talagang swak samin! I mean sa past. Hindi ko lang alam kung napansin ba nya, pero kasi saming dalawa ako yung mas observant sa mga ganyang bagay noon or talagang masyado lang siguro akong conscious. We took a couple of photos as I requested and told him I will post them on my IG account. I even posted a video of us singing the song ‘when I was your man’ by Bruno Mars, together. Haha! How Ironic! We got to do things together na hindi naming ginawa dati when we are still together. And we enjoy doing things. Bat ganon?

I really, really never thought of this things will come. What I mean is, we didn’t end in a smooth way thou we actually did and doing it now slowly, the patching things up. We both are not good at verbal closure, given na iyon but somehow, nagagawa naman naming sya through chat kahit pakonti konti and I can say that we are good now. As I had said lately, we are more comfortable with each other than before. We’re like old friends that didn’t saw each other for a long time and so we are catching up things now. We  even talked about some sort of personal things like, having relationship with others thou we both don’t have one at the moment. He mentioned the girl he love and told me things about how he puts effort for her and such. Well, I have nothing felt against that kasi for me, doing things that would make your special someone happy is normal. Yes? And I find it weird whenever he will say, I do this and that for her that I didn’t do for you before. I mean, so what? I am not into those things naman. Ako naman kasi, kung hindi mo kayang gawin para sakin, okay lang. Lalo na kung hindi rin naman makakaabala or kung hindi naman talaga kailangan na kailangan. Hay nako sya, love sick sobra! We also talked about things na habang pinag-uusapan naming, ang nasa isip ko talaga ay, ‘why are we talking things like this anyway?’ At oo, pinag-uasapan talaga naming ang nakaraan naming! Like, seriously? Hahaha! But honestly speaking, I didn’t feel any weird feeling habang pinag-uusapan namin yon over our food. Parang normal lang na pag-usapan ung topic.

We really have this weird connection na siguro hindi na talaga mawawala kahit ano pang gawin naming iwas. That, pag kailangan ko sya, andyan sya. Though hindi naman nya kasi ako sinasabihan pag may mga dilemma sya sa buhay dahil may iba naman syang kaibigan. May kaibigan naman din ako, I have not that many but I have true friends, if you get what I mean. Pero kasi, I trust him with such things. Like when I feel stress or what or I have something in mind that I wanna talked about, alam kong masasabihan ko sya.

So, Engineer, thank you sa time! Pag-isipan mo yung plano ah, ang tagal kasi ng 5 years na maghihintay ka sa wala tyaka, alam mo naman diba? Nasabi ko na sayo kagabe. Haha! 

PS: thank you for not wearing your pabango. It meant a lot kasi nga sa allergies to sa mga bagay na scented.

-Niki 

Sus-pended 101

Hi! Its been what? Two or three months? Err.. I cant remember.

I’ll try to post more for the next 30 days and I promised that because I have nothing else to do for those said days as I am officially suspended from work starting today—err yesterday, November 13. It has something to do with the biggest ‘joke’ (mistake) I had done last September 20. ( Kung naaalala nyo pa.)

Question. Do I feel upset? Well of course but come to think of it, its just fine. Just like what I often say to people who are close tomewhen they have problems, Shit happens.

So later that afternoon, Sir J chat me saying,’wait for me at the conference’ and so I did. There he explaine to me whats and whys. Sa totoo lang, sa tatlong minutong meeting naming,yes you read it right. 3 minutes. Nakatingin lang ako ng deretcho sa mata nya and keep answering him, ‘yes sir’ and ‘okay sir’. I didn’t even asked anything or say something. Para saan pa ba? Eh nagdesisyon na din naman sila at ang magagawa ko lang naman ay making sa gusto nila at sumunod. So after that, I went back inside and gathered my things for effective immediately that day ang suspension ko. I will be back after a month (December 13) For the training. Again. The suspension had many more other ‘sanga’ but I didn’t mind at all. Money doesn’t measure my intelligence.

I will be missing my squad (#spg). Before I got home tonight I spend the night with them on a movie date. Hayyy.. nakakamiss naman talaga the girls. Now I know what Sepanx really feels.

Am I stress? Yes. And I think I need someone to talk about this too or maybe, someone to be with and wont ask me what happen. I am not a ‘paawa’ type of person. If something upsetting happened to me and you feel that I am really into being stress, all you have to do is join me walk around somewhere or just talk to me about other things kasi, kapag ready nako pag-usapan ang totoong problema, ako pa mismo yung mag oopen dun. I am such a cry baby. Hanggang hindi ako nakaka get over sa nangyari, iiyakan ko iyon whenever I got to remember it and I am not comfortable that people see me cry specially if you weren’t that close to me or I feel that you will just feel pitty for me. One of the things that I hate the most is being pitty-ed. Basta ayoko lang because I know to myself that I am okay, and if not, soon I will be. And I believe that whatever happens, it happened for a reason. And I don’t want to blame anyone for that.

To Ate Gen, Ate Jel, Danica, Jessabelles and Arra, thankyou for tonight. I really had fun! I will miss our funny convos in the middle of our duty. I appreciate everything we do together guys. You really made me happy today and everyday of course. I’ll see you in a month. Aldub you.

And to my Loves, Eunice, Juju, Clang, Karla and Carlhie, and Pepe, keep safe guys. Don’t worry I’ll be fine. You take care of yourselves. I love you guys..

PS: I know you will read this dahil hindi naman kita mablock ditto. Viber me asap. Nagpromise ka dib a? Na pwede kong ibuhos sayo yung galit ko kasi alam kong kilala mo ko?

-The suspended Niki