Good News, Bad News..

Let me start my comeback by posting this entry. J

Last time, I had posted my 2016 Bucket List. I am very positive about it and really, I am so eager  to finish those sixteen things that were listed on my bucket list.

Good News  :

Last April 25, 2016, Arra and I when to Manila Cathedral located at Intramuros for her Pilgrimage Journey (It has something to do with the Year of Mercy.). Its our first time to go there and I am proud to say that everything when fine at hindi kami naligaw. Haha! So, aside from being lucky to get there not being lost on our way, we got the chance to attend their 12 noon mass after we bought some souvenirs on their souvenir shop. ( Wish I can attach some pictures here. L ). After getting done on what should be done, I asked Arra if we can go to China Town (Binondo Manila) since malapit lang naman. To cut the story short, we went to China town and do some sightseeing since its our first time to go there. What makes our China Town side-trip worth it? We’ve got the chance to visit Binondo Church or The Minor Basilica of San Lorenzo Ruiz. We prayed inside the church and light some candles. We also bought rosaries for remembrance. I find the inside of Binondo Church cute because aside from its Beautiful Murals, it was painted by color pink! How cute was that? So there, I already started my 2016 Bucket List number 2.  Two up , 8 to go. J

Bad News :

This one has something to do with my 2016 Bucket List too. The number 3.  I think this one’s will never ever happen. I was so upset at first but after some meditation ( Meditation?! Haha!) Napag-isip isip ko, okay lang. Siguro nga tama sila na, hindi lahat ng bagay nangangailangan ng Closure. Tama na nga siguro yung, alam mo sa sarili mo na naka-move on kana at okay kana. Self-Closure kung baga. Tama na siguro yung sinubukan ko na magkaroon kami ng closure. I did all my part and that’s what matters to me. Masaya nako don. J So, for me, Bucket List Entry number 3 is a now marked as check (done).

It did not happened the way I want it to be but its fine. Atleast I tried. J

PS: Don’t talk like, as if I’m still hoping for the two of us to work out. Don’t act like as if ikaw lang ang naka-move on. At oo, galit ako ngayon at alam ko din na sasabihin mong naiintindihan mo ko kahit sa totoo lang, hindi.

-Niki  J

Im backkkkkkk

Boo!

Hello there!!. Finally! ‘Emm baccckkkkkkk!!

It been a long time at ngayon lang ako makakapag blog dahil ngayon lang din naman ako nakapag bakasyon ng ganito. As in! Ang dami-dami kong gustong ipost dati pa pero alam nyo un? Yung feeling na natambak na at nakalimutan na nga ang iba. *sigh*

Saan ba ko mag-uumpisa?

-Nikita, Bakasyonista Version :)

You'll be miss forevs!..

'Love, I see forever in your eyes.. I can see heaven in your smile.. And when I hold you close, I dont want to let go because deep in my soul I know girl, that you are the only light I see.. Your love means everything to me.. '

I miss the way we sang this song together. I miss the laughters we always share with each other. I miss the way you hug me. 'Miss the way you kiss my temple whenever I cry and you will say, 'Okay lang yan!'. I miss the way you cheer me when I feel down and sad. I miss.... I miss the way you say ' loveyou! '. I miss... .. .. I miss you..

All of a sudden, I'm feeling nostalgic. While I am listening to our favorite songs I suddenly wanna go back to the days where you will sit beside me and we will listen to our favorite playlist together. I will lean my head on your shoulder then you will lean yours on my head. And when I started to sing the song we are listening, you will cover my mouth and say, 'ako nalang ang sasabay sa kanta. Nasisira eh.'. Then you will laugh. You're laugh that I miss the most. Yung tawa na kasama pati mata.

I can still remember one time when you asked me to sing "I Do" because you told me its one of your favorite song and you want to dedicate it to me. But I refused and I said 'pangit yan. Ayoko.' You didn't asked why but I know deep inside your wondering that's why I told you my reason. And I swear, your reaction was epic! As in E-P-I-C! I was half-shocked when you said, (excuse the word) " P*tangina pati yon?!' Its not as if its the first time I heared you curse that's why I felt a bit shocked but, its because of your facial expression and the tone of your voice. High pitch eh? XD

hay... (*insert deep sigh here) 'Emma really missing you and I don't know why. I wish we could still bump into each other in the street, but I perfectly know that we couldn't.

How I wish to meet someone like you where I can share my new favorite songs, someone like you who will sing and listen to a certain song with me until I got tired of it and play another song. Someone whom I can lean my head on his shoulder. Someone who will sing me my favorite songs, (our 98 degrees favorite songs.) and someone, who always see the good things in me when everyone only see the bad. But yeah I know! Waiting to meet someone like you is like waiting for a falling star to pass by in a starless-cloudy-night sky.

As much as I want to see you, talk to you, lean my head on your shoulder, listen to 98 degrees's songs like we used to do, eat chocolate and ice cream in your car, play Farmville 2 on our own Ipads', read the stories I wrote in wattpad together and cook 'kung ano ang maisip'' together, I know. It will never happen again.

And because I miss you, lemme sing for you. (hehehe) this time, hindi kana makakareklamo na hindi kagandahan ang boses ko dahil hindi mo naman na maririnig. Ni hindi mo nga mababasa ang ita-type kong lyrics kahit pa gustuhin ko pang basahin mo. :) 

We do almost everything that lovers do,

And that's why its hard, just to be friends with you..

Every time your heart is broken by the fool,..

I want you to know, that it hurts me too..

Its hard to wipe your tears away..

knowing that you should be with me..

Now tell me why??..

Why are we still friends?

when everything says..

We should be more than we are..

And tell me why?.. Every time I find,

Someone that I like..

We always end up just being... Friends..

So, did you like it? I am singing it inside my head while I do the typing of its lyrics. :) I can almost see your brows frowning my dear.

Its one of our favorite song, do you still remember? :)

'Gone crazy with our memories now because I'm missing you so bad. And it makes me sad. I've been wanting to hear your voice singing "On this day" since this morning. I miss the way you glance at me while you sang the song. You even asked me once if I wanted it to be my wedding song and I told you I don't because I want it to be, "Forevermore" by Side A. You told me, 'gasgas na yun eh, gamit na gamit na.' and I answered you 'hindi naman ikaw ang pakakasalan ko kaya wag kang anu dyan!' then you answered me, 'ako pa ba? ah basta!'.

It was like, it's just yesterday. It was yesterday when you left without a single word and that hurts but I understand. You left not because you want to, it's because you have to. Only a few people (related to me) got the chance to meet you and see you in person. Even my close friends only knew your existence through my stories about you. Sabi mo pa nga, siguro natatakot akong makita ka nila kasi baka magwapuhan sila sayo at ligawan ka. It's not just once that you ask me to introduce you to my best friends but I always refuse. I either don't know my reason why I don't want them to see you. Swear!

It's one of the things that I regret. Sana nakilala ka nila. Sana nakita ka din nila. I hope they saw how amazing person you are.

:( I miss you.. And I am glad that we've got the chance to create too many memories I can always look back whenever I miss you. Memories that I will always remember whenever I listen to our favorite 98 degrees band songs. Memories that are for keeps forevs.. :)

Love, I see forever in your eyes

I can see heaven in your smile

And when I hold you close

I don't want to let go

Because deep in my soul I know girl

That you are the only light I see

Your love means everything to me

I promise that we'll never part

'Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

Girl, you're like an angel from above

Sent here to shower me with your love

Hold me beneath your wings

Tell me all of the things

All the hopes and the dreams we can share

'Cause I'll be your shelter from the storm

I'll be the fire that keeps you warm

I'll be your light in the dark

Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

If anything could last forever

It's what I feel for you

Oh baby, you touch my heart in ways

That words could never say

That's why I'll always love you

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you..

Love,

Niki :)

Feeling Upset..

I really feel upset and I don't really know what to do anymore. (*insert deep sigh here) I wanna keep the good vibes in my system that's why I am trying my very best not to rant on my social media accounts about what I feel. You know the feeling of, bakit? bat ganon? ano ba? ugh! I am really upset. As in U-P-S-E-T! Big time!

It has something to do with my 2016 Bucket List. I am really hoping and praying that I can do all of them but seems like it will not happen. As in, walang pang 24 hours since I posted the entry may isa na agad na parang ang labong matupad!

Last night of April 4, David and I had this rare time ( Rare kasi, madalang nalang talaga kaming mag chat ngayon) to have a little chitchat on facebook messenger. He told me he already heard the last song I dedicate to him. Eh sa marami talaga akong arte, may "letting go" song pa talaga ako sa kanya. "Have You Ever" by S Club 7. The song is a bit old but the first time I heard it parang, alam nyo yun? Yung feeling na ako 'to eh. Ganitong ganito ako! I was the one who broke up with David, nasabi ko naman dati pa di ba? I was the one who left him first. I was the one who regret breaking up with him. Pero ano lang ba yung lahat ng nagawa ko sa sakit na naging kapalit non? Waley na waley promise! 

So ito na nga. David had read my blog entry about my Bucket List 2016. He told me, "You need a proper closure right?" and I answered him, "ready ka na bang ibigay yon?"  he replied, " Siguro. Pero hindi ko alam kung pano.". Since we are both clueless on how to have a proper closure, I suggested, we write each other a letter then, read it together but he hardly agreed. Hindi daw kasi sya sanay, ang awkward daw. Ugh! I know its awkward and I know that he's not into writing of letters pero talagang  hindi din nya naisip na awkward din sakin yon? He probably thinks that I suggested the letter writing 'thingy' because he know that writing a letter is just a piece of cake for me. I admit, I am fond of writing letters. I am better on that than saying my thoughts verbally. I can easily say anything and everything I feel for someone in one letter. Pero hindi din ba sumagi sa isip nya na iba sya? I mean, writing a letter for a friend is more easier than writing a letter for someone who gave so much to feel in your past.

Nakakainis talaga eh. Kahit ayokong mainis dahil .... ayoko nga kasing mainis pero pinipilit nya kong mainis! Peste ka----! Sarap mong krompalin ng walang humpay ha... ..! Akala ko pa naman ready kanang ...... ..! yun pala mas ready pa ko sayo! ..... ..! 

See? Kaya ayaw kong mag rant sa social media accounts ko about it dahil hindi talaga maganda ang kalalabasan non promise! cursing is bad and I really feel bad because I am used to it. Hindi ko talaga sya mapigilan specially when Im mad or when I am too happy laughing and enjoying my Barkada's company. We keep on throwing bad words to each other between our convos. Oh well, normal people curse and me and my friends are just like the other normal people. Ewan ang hirap I explain! But Im trying my best not to or lessen that kind of habit, its just that ugh... Hindi ko namamalayan minsan kaya hindi ko napipigilan.

So going back, after David told me that he cant do it by letter, I told him its okay though I really felt sad that time. I console myself that maybe, he's not yet ready to have the closure so I dont have o be sad and after April, 2016 still have 8 more months. Who knows by december ready na sya? Di ba? Can someone say 'oo nga naman' please? Oh, he suggested to tell everything nalang via chat anyway but I disagreed. I dont get it why all of a sudden he's making it hard for us to have this long-time-overdue 'closure'. Yeah its awkward I know, kahit naman sakin ay awkward yon pero dahil kailangan ko yon para sa sarili ko, willing akong gawin. Bakit sya hindi nya maisip yon? 'Bakit ba ang hirap para sayong gawin ang isang bagay na dapat noon mo pa ginawa?'

A closure is not just like typing a certain lyrics of your favorite song in the chat box anyway. It is more than what others think it is. Its not as easy as copy paste. :(

Nalulungkot talaga ako. But still I wanna keep things positive. Good Vibes lang. :) I have a long list for 2016 anyway, pwede ko namang magawa pa yung iba. 

PS: Even David didnt like the idea, I still wrote a closure letter for him though I dont have any plan to give it to him.

-The Upset Niki :(

My 2016 Bucket List..

I had been wanting to post my 2016 bucket list here in my blog but I cant find time because Im feeling too lazy for the past month. Yung, ang dami kong gusto at dapat gawin pero hindi ko maumpisahan kasi nga, nakakashumad! haha!

So its April 2 today and I kinda feel lazy again ( walang bago don!) but I should do something productive!

And the fourth month of 2016 just started yesterday. How was the first three months goes? Ang bilis di ba?  And how did you spent the Holy Weak? Well me, I choose to be productive, pasok kahit holiday ganern! Last Maundy Thursday, I went to St. Pio and bought a rosary bracelet and a miraculous medallion. I prayed and the end. hehe.

And so again, today I'll share my 2016 bucket list here. I have a long list but I am hoping to do all of them before 2016 ends. 

Bucket List for 2016:

1. Learn to Pray the Rosary. ( huhuhu, I realize that I need that. Its such a shame that at the age of 20+ something I still dont know how to pray the Rosary.)

2. Visit 10 Church that I haven't ever visited yet in my whole life. (That's why I really need to practice my rosary ASAP so I can pray it to the 10 Church that I'm planning to Visit this year. One more thing is, if I got lucky to visit Ten Church this year, It is a sign that I am totally healed from my past heartbreak.)

3. Have a proper closure with David. ( I really dont have any idea on what a proper closure is. It was like, Paano? Anong gagawin namin? Anong sasabihin ko? Ano pang dapat nyang sabihin? Kailangan pa ba talaga? Though I think kailangan talaga yon at iyon nalang ang kulang samin. we're in good terms sometimes wag lang sumpungin ng topak ang isa sa amin. But seriously, David and I need it. And I am more ready, sya kaya?)

4. Have a short vacation in Baguio City with my family. ( Baguio's my favorite place on Earth though I don't know much about the place. I've been there twice and it really got me. Pine trees, cold weather, wonderful spots, ugh! I really want to go back there this year with my family though the longest stay we could have is two days, one night because of my job and that's so sad. huhuhu. Oh, and one more thing, my Loving Parents will be celebrating their 26th Anniversary on May 13th so, even if I am planning to push our Baguio Vacation by the end of May, I will be hitting two birds in one stone. A vacation and their Anniversary celebration in Baguio. How great is that?)

5. Visit Our Lady of Manaoag Shrine. ( Though I regularly visit and gave thanks at St. Pio, I have this feeling of obligation to Visit Our Lady of Manaoag Shrine in Pangasinan. I want it to be my 'Yearly Devotion' since I graduated college. It started before my Sophomore days in College as well.)

6. Have my first visit at Monasterio De Tarlac. (Tita Baby, Daddy's eldest sister mentioned the place to me one time when I was talking to Dad and asking him if we could visit OLMS again this year. And since I havent been in the place, I want to pay a visit there too this year, and since I havent been there, I am hitting two birds in one stone again. First, I will be visiting the place and second, I can include MDT to my list of ten churches to visit. yay!!)

7. Have a bonding with my High School Bestfriends, RM, KJ and Ivielyn. ( Its been awhile and I miss them. Sana talaga magka time. :(  )

8. Have a date with my college Bestfriends. ( Just the three of us. I mean, after our graduation, we hardly bond and I think 2016 is a good year to catch up things we missed. The three of us are working in the same company but really, we hardly see each  other because of our shifts and Off days scheds. )

9. Go to Tagaytay with Eunice, Julie, Arra, Clarisse, Karla and Carlhie. ( Its been a year and magagawan na natin ng paraan. :) )

10. Donate Blood. ( I really want to experience blood donation and Im hoping to experince that this 2016.)

11. Have my room renovated before my Birthday. ( yasss!. I still have 6 months before October!.)

12. Buy myself an Instax Cam. ( I love taking pictures and I badly want to have an Instax because..... Because... Because I want to and I hope Dad would let me. *cross fingers ) (Ps. I want an Hello Kitty Head shape Instax. )

13. Have a Pandora Charm Bracelet on my 2...th Birthday this coming October. ( I really dont want to buy one for me though I want to have one. I want this as a gift from someone but I think, no one will buy one for me so, emma need to buy myself nalang talaga.)

14. Have my passport. ( Im afraid of riding a plane but, I wanna try to have my first ride sana this year so, I'll take it slow and start it by having my Passport. Though I want my first plane ride a Domestic Flight. *insert winking emoji here. )

15. Write a blog entry about my dream wedding. (whenever  I see my niece yukiMeng, I always think of what would be my first baby will look like? What would my future husband be like? Are we gonna have a church wedding or a civil wedding? Will I cry on our wedding day? Those kind of stuff  keeps crossing my mind sometimes. So I want to write some of my dream wedding idea.)

16. Have a date with someone at St.Pio. ( I hope this would happen later this year. And this time I want to start and make things the right way so, Whoever you are, I want our first date to be with St.Pio and Lordie. :) )

There goes my 2016 Bucket List and I am hoping and praying to accomplish them all. Sa hinaba haba ng listahan ko, wala pa yata akong nagagawa kahit isa! Jusko April na! huhuhu, so umpisahan ko na ha? Bukas promise. :)

I'll keep my blog posted about my Bucket List's progress. :)

Yours,

Lazy Niki :)

Letting Go...

What is the difference between moving on and letting go?.. 

If I would be asked to define 'moving on' I would say its more about life changing part, Its a process where you let your self go on with your life alone. It's more about going back into your life track before getting involved in a relationship. I'm not saying that moving on is easy, we all know it's not. Been there, done that. But it's something that we should do in order to live a normal life and stop being miserable after having a painful heartbreak. 

While 'Letting Go' is more on feelings. After crying a pool of tears every night and every single day, starving yourself, listening to your heartbreak songs, making yourself miserable and such. This is the stage where you finally get over on all the pain you had gone through, it's the time where you realize and accept that everything happens for a reason. Lemme say, you finally let go of everything when you finally got yourself back on track, it's when you feel happy because there's so many reasons to be happy than to feel sad and lonely just because something happened the way you didn't want them to be. Do you get me?

I wanna share the feeling that I have now. After a long time of holding on to the feelings that I thought would last forever, after crying a river, after a bloody fight on the moving on stage and after realizing that life has so much to offer, finally.. I can finally say that, I had moved on and I am letting all the feelings go. The pain of heartbreak, endless sentiments, regrets and hatreds.

Moving on is hard but after you had done on this part and let go of everything that brought pain to you, after accepting everything, you'll next have the best feeling. The feeling of facing life with a new you, a new life and a new heart that is strong and courageous. 

God has better plans for me than I do and I believe that he's working on the best love story for me. It may not be the perfect love story I dreamed of ever since but I know, the love story that he prepares for me is worth the wait. 

PS: Dear Future someone who's destined for me, I am looking forward to meet you soon. :) I can't promise not to hurt you, but I can assure you that I will take good care of you and I will love you true. So, see you soon?..

PPS: Pinag-p-pray kita kaya sana, iba ka na talaga. Aldub you!.

Friendship it is..

Love... 1 word, 4 letters,.

I wanna make this entry short as much as I can..

And so I just finished watching the last 3 episode of OTWOL and at the moment I am listening to the soap's theme song which is 'On The Wings of Love' JaDine version level 999!!. Dont get me wrong,. I am a solid AlDub fanatic. Its just that I got curious about the OTWOL finale. 

Dear Aldubnation, inaamin ko, nagtaksil ako ng isang gabi sa fanmily natin..huhuhu..sorry na please??..

I admit. I am a big fan of happy-ever-after stories. And really, bilib ako sa mga showbiz people na nakaka-survive ng relationship nila kahit ang daming nakikisawsaw and such,. Isnt amazing that, no matter how difficult it is to handle a showbiz career, they still manage to make their relationship survive and make it to the altar together?..and live happily ever after... awww.. how's that?.. Isnt great to be inlove and be loved at the same time?..

Are you brokenhearted now and you're one of those who always says, "walang Forever"?.. oh come on!. take a look at your family picture. Guilty as charge,. I was one of those who always says, 'walang forever!' those were the times where I feel so broken hearted and I feel betrayed but, Whenever I pass to a certain spot in our house, there's this picture hanged in the wall that made me believe that at some point, the word "Forever" really exist. My loving parents surrounded by 4 off-springs who stands as their evidence of their love in one picture. Our Family picture.

Going back, so I was talking about OTWOL lately and just had finished watching JaDine's interview with Grethen Ho and Robi Domingo. Though I am a 'pure blooded' AlDub fan, I cant halp to feel 'kilig' while watching their interview. The way they look at each other, their classped hands, their sweet glances and the way they describe each other. Hay!. lakas maka-ALDUB din kaya!. Kilig Level 999.7?. sorry hindi ko talaga kayang ibigay ang Level 999.9 kasi, sa AlDub/MaiDen yun!. hehehe..

From Reel to Real. 

So umamin na ang JaDine.. at nakakakilig talaga yung moment nila promise!. James Reid amazed me. Yung sinabi nyang 'Nadine.....I.. Love You' sa harap ng maraming tao. Its not that easy just like what others think,. it takes a lot of courage pero nagawa nya di ba?.. :) 

As of AlDub naman,. dahil naghihintay pa silang dalawa ng right time. one step at a time. Slowly but surely.. ayiiie.. cant wait kahit parang may something na talaga.. huehue.. excited tayo ADN sa takdang panahon. Yes?.. Yes of course!. hehehe.

AlDub and JaDine. From Reel to Real. So, who's next?..ay ang showbiz..

To end this entry. I want to share something, bigla ko lang din kasing na-realize 'to.

We often say, except for Love, 'Trust' is the main and strongest foundation of a relationship. But for me, 'Friendship' is still the best foundation of a good relationship. Why? Because here is where the real relationship starts. How will you know someone if he/she is not be your friend at first? How will you trust someone if he/she is not your friend? How will you love someone you don't know and you don't trust in the first place?.. right?.

So, Frienship it is. Yes?. For me it is. Because Daddy and Mama start as friends. Well, me and David started as friends too before and hopefully, we'll be back to being friends again soon. James and Nadine started as friends too.. At syempre ang peborit kong mag BFF,. Alden and Maine. Friends, Close Friends, BFF , Special friends,.whatever they call it..basta Friends sila at sana talaga,. magkatuluyan din sila evetually. Pero ulit,. mas type ko ung mag-BetterHalf.. ayiiii.. :*


Nikita..