Random 1.02 10/08/16

Rare times:

1. I feel genuinely happy.
2. I feel complete.
3. I feel secured.
4. I feel loved.
5. I feel needed.
6. I feel fine.
7. I feel well rested.
8. I feel important.
9. I feel fulfilled.
10. I feel … wanted.

Mostly:

1. I feel sad.
2. I am hurt.
3. I want to cry.
4. I want to go away.
5. I want to be alone.
6. I want silence.
7. I want to feel loved.
8. I want to be hug.
9. I want to feel secured.
10. I want to give in and sulk in loneliness.
11. I want to sleep so I won’t feel sad, hurt and lonely.
12. I feel the need to have someone where I can tell every single pain I am hiding.
13. I think of running away and never come back.

I wish:

1. To be happy.
2. To be love deeply.
3. To be accepted for whom I am really.
4. To have more love.
5. To be the most important person to someone.
6. I could just be me… all the time.

Someday:

1. All this pain would be ease.
2. I will be happy.. for real.
3. I can runaway and I will not hesitate anymore.
4. I will feel that I am worth to love, to cherish and to keep.
5. I will be free from hurt
6. There will be someone who will hold my hand and never let go of me no matter how hard it is to love me and no matter what the world will say.

Someday, I will not cry alone anymore. Because there will be someone who will cry with me when I am in pain. No matter how hard life can get, I will still be holding on to what the future will offer. It may not be now, but soon I know, everything will fall on their proper places and I will be happy. I will be free from pain and sadness.

Sobrang random ban g entry?? Wala feel ko lang talaga..

-Niki

Secret Dream..

Didnt I mention in this blog that I had this secret dream to be a writer? Iilan lang talaga ang nakaka-alam don kasi nga, secret! I had been writing stories since I was in grade six though I stopped when I enter high school. Later on college I decided to write again, and this time, hindi na sa notebook o grade 4 paper, sa wattpad na! hahaha!! I so love reading wattpad stories that's why I decided to gave writing a try. As of now, I already had 3 completed stories, 2 on-hold and 1 that is soon to be completed.

My current stories is about two people whom started because of the unintentional eavesdropping of the main character.I had been writing it for more than half a year now and I am currently writing its 38th chapter at malapit na syang matapos! Yehey!! Excited ako pero at the same time, it saddened me too for I will be bidding goodbye to the #FatedNicNiks so soon. :) Napaka habang delay na nga ng ending nila dahil kakaisip ko ng pwedeng twist na ipasok, But the main character are just too madly, deeply and crazy inlove with each other so, imagine the struggle habang pinipilut kong magalitr si Girl kay Boy kasi sobrang hirap! Napaka bait naman kasi ni Boy at sobrang love nya si Girl. And ending,walang magandang kinapupuntahan ang mga LQ nila dahil sila yung tipo na, away ngayon, bati na bukas. Ganon! Hindi naman din kasi ako ganon kagaling magsulat so, sinisimplehan ko lang din naman ang mga banat. Huhu... I will surely miss Mr. NDM and Mrs. NDM and of course, Willow a.k.a Baby Nicnik. Yesterday, I started to write the 37th chapter and it happened that this chapter is about their wedding. Sa sobrang Inlove ng mga character, masyado yatang napahaba ang wedding vows na nagawa ko. Specially the Boy's wedding vow na kaninang madaling araw ko lang natapos. Their vows are just so much to feel and I am happy for them..yiiiiih!

As much as I want to make this entry a little longer, I dont really feel good and I all I want to do is lay down to my bed and rest.

Ps: The title of the story I am talking about is Fated na may heart gawa sa less than 3. Ayan! Hanapin kung mahahanap! hahaha!<3 ako="" and="" characters.="" crush="" font="" for="" hahhaahha="" i="" imagine="" lead="" lol="" mag="" may="" my="" name="" paano="" s="" the="" used="">

Kung maka hahaha! naman ako akala mo walang problema! Eh, magtutuos na kami ni Sir bukas at wala akong kalaban laban. :( 

Dear Bes, ipag-pray mo naman na hindi ako maiyaki kasi isa sa pinaka ayaw ko ay ang napapagalitan. :(

-Niki

Right time, Right Love, and the Right one

Hashtag : Happy Tummy :)  (Busog na me.. hehe..burrrp.. )Pwede nakong mag blog. 

I wanna make this confession. Hindi ko alam kung masyado lang ba akong nagde-deny sa sarili ko o ano.Well ganito kasi yon, this coming October, I will be turning 23. Hindi pa naman ako ganun katanda pero alam ko ding hindi nako ganon kabata! Like what I had said in my older posts, I am praying for this someone. As in my specific person talaga akong hinihiling kay Lord everytime I pray, hindi ko talaga nakakaligtaan banggitin iyon pero minsan nare-realize ko na, parang G na G naman akong magka-lovelife. *sigh..

Alam mo ba yung feeling na, nabibili mo lahat ng gusto mo, nakakapunta ka sa kung saan mo gustong pumunta, magandang trabaho (kahit nakakastress), tapos sobrang blessed mo sa mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Alam mo ba yon? Kasi ako oo, kasi ako yon eh. Kaya lang parang may kulang parin. L

Minsan naiisip ko, sana pala hindi nalang ako nag-move on, edi sana hindi ako atat na atat mag boyfriend ngayon! Hahaha! Chos! Pero syempre thankful naman ako na naka-move on na ako sa past major heartbreak ko. At gaya parin ng sinabi ko date, gaano ko man kagusto na alam nyo na, I still want to wait for the right time. Kung hindi pa iyon ngayon then, its fine. Though I really want it asap, I will still choose to wait for God’s perfect time. 

Me be like:  Right time, Right Love, and the Right one.

PS: myLoves,. magtweet ka naman ng madalas! hahaha

#FatedNicNiks

Thought-Ful,

Niki :)

It should not! 101

*deep sigh*

Three years of being single is not a big deal. Well, it should not. At the moment, I can say that I am living the time of my life. A good Job, good friends, fancy clothes, gadgets and of course stronger faith. 

I am beyond happy and blessed. Aware naman ako na sobra sobra ang blessings sakin kaya hanggat maari ay sini-share ko. Lahat na yata ng mga bagay na dinasal ko at dinadasal ko, ibinigay na at binibigay ni Lord. Pero sabi nga ng isang rule sa economics, man can never be satisfied. Its was like, after having what you want, you will surely want to have more or if not, want to have something new. And I am a living proof. Yes, sobrang blessed ako na makuha lahat ng gusto ko ngayon. Sometimes, I am thinking of, ano pa nga ba ang gusto ko? Ano pa bang kulang? 

Everytime I pray, I always say thank you for everything kasi sobrang nakaka-overwhelm yung mga natatanggap ko. Siguro kasi hindi ako sanay na laging nakukuha ang gusto ko kaya ganon nalang talaga ako sobra nabibigla minsan, yung tipong today gusto ko ng bagong damit tapos kinabukasan nabili ko na yung damit, mga tipong ganon. Pero minsan, dumadating talaga ako dun sa point na, parang may kulang. Yung may gusto ako na wala pa ako.

Whenever I see an old friend na ka-age ko that already have their own family, I always feel something different. Inggit? I dont know. Its just so nakakainggit to see them caring a cute baby, having a family date and such. Minsan naiisip ko, ano kaya ang feeling? hayyyy...

Yes! I am ready to have that 'someone' in my life. Someone I can tell all my worries and angst in life, someone I can text I love yous, someone who can hold my hand, someone I can cry and laugh with, someone who can accept and love me true. That someone who will stay with me at my worse and whom I can give my best. That someone I can finally call mine... *sigh*

Just like what I had said on my previous entry, I am praying for a specific person. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung alam ba nyang nage-exist ako. Kelan ko nga lang din nalaman na inlove sya... sa iba! (sakit bhe!) Pero gaya ng sabi ko din, I dont want to rush things for I believe, right things will happen on their own perfect time and that is, in God's perfect time. And if that someone I am praying for is not the one for me, its okay. Because I know, there will be someone for me in the future. Someone who worth the wait.

Alam kong hindi ko kailangang magmadali. Hindi ko kailangang problemahin. At hindi ako dapat mainip. Mejo nakakalungkot lang at nakakainggit. I was surrounded by people who are so inlove . Lovers are all over my sight and that was just somehow frustrating. :( I admit, I dont find myself pretty. I dont even have that sexy body. Wala din ako ng tinatawag nilang appeal. PERO, I am a Degree holder. Sa ngayon yun lang naman ang meron ako. Mabait ako, hindi ako maarte, pinalaki ako ng tama ng parents ko, may tatlong side ako, si Niki na madaldal, si Niki na tahimik at si Niki na hindi ka gusto. Simpleng-simple lang talaga ako. I am living my life the way I want it to be. Hindi ko kailangang magkunwari para i-please ang ibang tao. At hindi talaga ako ligawin na tao. May pagka-judgemental din ako minsan at gusto kong i-work out ang ugali ko na yon. Dahil ako mismo naiinis don.

To that someone I am praying for, If ever you and the girl you love now will not work out, can you please... find me???.. 

尼科喜欢尼基 <3 b="">

hayyyy! so much for now. Tomorrow I'll try to post more. :) 

尼基塔美 :) 

June 27, 2016 12:24am

You'll be miss forevs!..

'Love, I see forever in your eyes.. I can see heaven in your smile.. And when I hold you close, I dont want to let go because deep in my soul I know girl, that you are the only light I see.. Your love means everything to me.. '

I miss the way we sang this song together. I miss the laughters we always share with each other. I miss the way you hug me. 'Miss the way you kiss my temple whenever I cry and you will say, 'Okay lang yan!'. I miss the way you cheer me when I feel down and sad. I miss.... I miss the way you say ' loveyou! '. I miss... .. .. I miss you..

All of a sudden, I'm feeling nostalgic. While I am listening to our favorite songs I suddenly wanna go back to the days where you will sit beside me and we will listen to our favorite playlist together. I will lean my head on your shoulder then you will lean yours on my head. And when I started to sing the song we are listening, you will cover my mouth and say, 'ako nalang ang sasabay sa kanta. Nasisira eh.'. Then you will laugh. You're laugh that I miss the most. Yung tawa na kasama pati mata.

I can still remember one time when you asked me to sing "I Do" because you told me its one of your favorite song and you want to dedicate it to me. But I refused and I said 'pangit yan. Ayoko.' You didn't asked why but I know deep inside your wondering that's why I told you my reason. And I swear, your reaction was epic! As in E-P-I-C! I was half-shocked when you said, (excuse the word) " P*tangina pati yon?!' Its not as if its the first time I heared you curse that's why I felt a bit shocked but, its because of your facial expression and the tone of your voice. High pitch eh? XD

hay... (*insert deep sigh here) 'Emma really missing you and I don't know why. I wish we could still bump into each other in the street, but I perfectly know that we couldn't.

How I wish to meet someone like you where I can share my new favorite songs, someone like you who will sing and listen to a certain song with me until I got tired of it and play another song. Someone whom I can lean my head on his shoulder. Someone who will sing me my favorite songs, (our 98 degrees favorite songs.) and someone, who always see the good things in me when everyone only see the bad. But yeah I know! Waiting to meet someone like you is like waiting for a falling star to pass by in a starless-cloudy-night sky.

As much as I want to see you, talk to you, lean my head on your shoulder, listen to 98 degrees's songs like we used to do, eat chocolate and ice cream in your car, play Farmville 2 on our own Ipads', read the stories I wrote in wattpad together and cook 'kung ano ang maisip'' together, I know. It will never happen again.

And because I miss you, lemme sing for you. (hehehe) this time, hindi kana makakareklamo na hindi kagandahan ang boses ko dahil hindi mo naman na maririnig. Ni hindi mo nga mababasa ang ita-type kong lyrics kahit pa gustuhin ko pang basahin mo. :) 

We do almost everything that lovers do,

And that's why its hard, just to be friends with you..

Every time your heart is broken by the fool,..

I want you to know, that it hurts me too..

Its hard to wipe your tears away..

knowing that you should be with me..

Now tell me why??..

Why are we still friends?

when everything says..

We should be more than we are..

And tell me why?.. Every time I find,

Someone that I like..

We always end up just being... Friends..

So, did you like it? I am singing it inside my head while I do the typing of its lyrics. :) I can almost see your brows frowning my dear.

Its one of our favorite song, do you still remember? :)

'Gone crazy with our memories now because I'm missing you so bad. And it makes me sad. I've been wanting to hear your voice singing "On this day" since this morning. I miss the way you glance at me while you sang the song. You even asked me once if I wanted it to be my wedding song and I told you I don't because I want it to be, "Forevermore" by Side A. You told me, 'gasgas na yun eh, gamit na gamit na.' and I answered you 'hindi naman ikaw ang pakakasalan ko kaya wag kang anu dyan!' then you answered me, 'ako pa ba? ah basta!'.

It was like, it's just yesterday. It was yesterday when you left without a single word and that hurts but I understand. You left not because you want to, it's because you have to. Only a few people (related to me) got the chance to meet you and see you in person. Even my close friends only knew your existence through my stories about you. Sabi mo pa nga, siguro natatakot akong makita ka nila kasi baka magwapuhan sila sayo at ligawan ka. It's not just once that you ask me to introduce you to my best friends but I always refuse. I either don't know my reason why I don't want them to see you. Swear!

It's one of the things that I regret. Sana nakilala ka nila. Sana nakita ka din nila. I hope they saw how amazing person you are.

:( I miss you.. And I am glad that we've got the chance to create too many memories I can always look back whenever I miss you. Memories that I will always remember whenever I listen to our favorite 98 degrees band songs. Memories that are for keeps forevs.. :)

Love, I see forever in your eyes

I can see heaven in your smile

And when I hold you close

I don't want to let go

Because deep in my soul I know girl

That you are the only light I see

Your love means everything to me

I promise that we'll never part

'Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

Girl, you're like an angel from above

Sent here to shower me with your love

Hold me beneath your wings

Tell me all of the things

All the hopes and the dreams we can share

'Cause I'll be your shelter from the storm

I'll be the fire that keeps you warm

I'll be your light in the dark

Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

If anything could last forever

It's what I feel for you

Oh baby, you touch my heart in ways

That words could never say

That's why I'll always love you

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you..

Love,

Niki :)

Letting Go...

What is the difference between moving on and letting go?.. 

If I would be asked to define 'moving on' I would say its more about life changing part, Its a process where you let your self go on with your life alone. It's more about going back into your life track before getting involved in a relationship. I'm not saying that moving on is easy, we all know it's not. Been there, done that. But it's something that we should do in order to live a normal life and stop being miserable after having a painful heartbreak. 

While 'Letting Go' is more on feelings. After crying a pool of tears every night and every single day, starving yourself, listening to your heartbreak songs, making yourself miserable and such. This is the stage where you finally get over on all the pain you had gone through, it's the time where you realize and accept that everything happens for a reason. Lemme say, you finally let go of everything when you finally got yourself back on track, it's when you feel happy because there's so many reasons to be happy than to feel sad and lonely just because something happened the way you didn't want them to be. Do you get me?

I wanna share the feeling that I have now. After a long time of holding on to the feelings that I thought would last forever, after crying a river, after a bloody fight on the moving on stage and after realizing that life has so much to offer, finally.. I can finally say that, I had moved on and I am letting all the feelings go. The pain of heartbreak, endless sentiments, regrets and hatreds.

Moving on is hard but after you had done on this part and let go of everything that brought pain to you, after accepting everything, you'll next have the best feeling. The feeling of facing life with a new you, a new life and a new heart that is strong and courageous. 

God has better plans for me than I do and I believe that he's working on the best love story for me. It may not be the perfect love story I dreamed of ever since but I know, the love story that he prepares for me is worth the wait. 

PS: Dear Future someone who's destined for me, I am looking forward to meet you soon. :) I can't promise not to hurt you, but I can assure you that I will take good care of you and I will love you true. So, see you soon?..

PPS: Pinag-p-pray kita kaya sana, iba ka na talaga. Aldub you!.