October 14th, 265 moths of me..

So, Hello there again!

Its October 16 today and ‘em on the third day of my four-days-off from work yay!! I decided to have this break for my birthday which is dated last Friday pa.

I don’t have that much for my birthday thought its one of the most memorable that I had since I don’t remember. Mama cooked for me, family and some relatives. I started my day at St.pio. I prayed and had some alone time there before I headed home here in Pampanga. My friends surprise me pa after naming mag out sa office. I was so shock that I literally cried because my heart did not stop beating na para bang inlove! Hahaha! Kidding aside, I was so touch for their efforts. I just feel bad that they have a friend like me whose not that consistent. What I mean is, I am really hard to handle sometimes. I easily get insecure, mad and such but still, I am thankful to have such friends like Eunice, Julie, Karla, Clarisse, Arra and Carlhie. And Oh! Don’t forget Pepe! Thank you Lord!!

Mama and Bok gave me gifts, and letters! Yay!! Before my birthday came, what I want to really receive is a letter. Though it may seems impossible dahil, napakakonting tao nalang yata ang nagbibigay ng cards ngayon at personalize letters. At iilan nalang ba ang tulad ko na lagi nagwi-wish na sana, may matanggap na letter sa birthday ko?

Here’s my Mama’s message for me :

Happy Birthday Nak!

Kahit lagi kang nagbubwisit saakin kapag umuuwi ka,love kita! Happy Birthday I love you! Wag kang mag-alala, mas love kita kesa sa ate mo.

-Mama

This is my first time to receive a letter from mama and I cried, again. Hehe. Im such a cry baby but that’s how I reacted talaga sa mga ganon! That letter was actually written in our native language in Pampanga which is Kapampangan. Trinanslate ko lang. 

I love you so much Mommy ko!! Kahit makulit ka, hindi kita pagpapalit kahit kanino.. 

PS: thank you Ninang Jazz for my favorite tuna carbonara.. 

-         - Niki the Birthday Girl

Secret Dream..

Didnt I mention in this blog that I had this secret dream to be a writer? Iilan lang talaga ang nakaka-alam don kasi nga, secret! I had been writing stories since I was in grade six though I stopped when I enter high school. Later on college I decided to write again, and this time, hindi na sa notebook o grade 4 paper, sa wattpad na! hahaha!! I so love reading wattpad stories that's why I decided to gave writing a try. As of now, I already had 3 completed stories, 2 on-hold and 1 that is soon to be completed.

My current stories is about two people whom started because of the unintentional eavesdropping of the main character.I had been writing it for more than half a year now and I am currently writing its 38th chapter at malapit na syang matapos! Yehey!! Excited ako pero at the same time, it saddened me too for I will be bidding goodbye to the #FatedNicNiks so soon. :) Napaka habang delay na nga ng ending nila dahil kakaisip ko ng pwedeng twist na ipasok, But the main character are just too madly, deeply and crazy inlove with each other so, imagine the struggle habang pinipilut kong magalitr si Girl kay Boy kasi sobrang hirap! Napaka bait naman kasi ni Boy at sobrang love nya si Girl. And ending,walang magandang kinapupuntahan ang mga LQ nila dahil sila yung tipo na, away ngayon, bati na bukas. Ganon! Hindi naman din kasi ako ganon kagaling magsulat so, sinisimplehan ko lang din naman ang mga banat. Huhu... I will surely miss Mr. NDM and Mrs. NDM and of course, Willow a.k.a Baby Nicnik. Yesterday, I started to write the 37th chapter and it happened that this chapter is about their wedding. Sa sobrang Inlove ng mga character, masyado yatang napahaba ang wedding vows na nagawa ko. Specially the Boy's wedding vow na kaninang madaling araw ko lang natapos. Their vows are just so much to feel and I am happy for them..yiiiiih!

As much as I want to make this entry a little longer, I dont really feel good and I all I want to do is lay down to my bed and rest.

Ps: The title of the story I am talking about is Fated na may heart gawa sa less than 3. Ayan! Hanapin kung mahahanap! hahaha!<3 ako="" and="" characters.="" crush="" font="" for="" hahhaahha="" i="" imagine="" lead="" lol="" mag="" may="" my="" name="" paano="" s="" the="" used="">

Kung maka hahaha! naman ako akala mo walang problema! Eh, magtutuos na kami ni Sir bukas at wala akong kalaban laban. :( 

Dear Bes, ipag-pray mo naman na hindi ako maiyaki kasi isa sa pinaka ayaw ko ay ang napapagalitan. :(

-Niki

Right time, Right Love, and the Right one

Hashtag : Happy Tummy :)  (Busog na me.. hehe..burrrp.. )Pwede nakong mag blog. 

I wanna make this confession. Hindi ko alam kung masyado lang ba akong nagde-deny sa sarili ko o ano.Well ganito kasi yon, this coming October, I will be turning 23. Hindi pa naman ako ganun katanda pero alam ko ding hindi nako ganon kabata! Like what I had said in my older posts, I am praying for this someone. As in my specific person talaga akong hinihiling kay Lord everytime I pray, hindi ko talaga nakakaligtaan banggitin iyon pero minsan nare-realize ko na, parang G na G naman akong magka-lovelife. *sigh..

Alam mo ba yung feeling na, nabibili mo lahat ng gusto mo, nakakapunta ka sa kung saan mo gustong pumunta, magandang trabaho (kahit nakakastress), tapos sobrang blessed mo sa mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Alam mo ba yon? Kasi ako oo, kasi ako yon eh. Kaya lang parang may kulang parin. L

Minsan naiisip ko, sana pala hindi nalang ako nag-move on, edi sana hindi ako atat na atat mag boyfriend ngayon! Hahaha! Chos! Pero syempre thankful naman ako na naka-move on na ako sa past major heartbreak ko. At gaya parin ng sinabi ko date, gaano ko man kagusto na alam nyo na, I still want to wait for the right time. Kung hindi pa iyon ngayon then, its fine. Though I really want it asap, I will still choose to wait for God’s perfect time. 

Me be like:  Right time, Right Love, and the Right one.

PS: myLoves,. magtweet ka naman ng madalas! hahaha

#FatedNicNiks

Thought-Ful,

Niki :)

I am praying for you..

It is not a secret to you guys ( uhm, well its not if you are reading my blog since day 1 ) I am praying for that 'someone', I am praying and waiting for the right time, right things, right love and right man of course. 😍. Guilty as charge, I am one of those hindi kagandahan pero sobrang mapili. Pero sobra ba talaga?? Anyways, no-one's courting me at the moment. Hindi din naman kasi ako yung mga tipong ligawin, pag nga may nagpapalipad hangin sakin feeling ko naliligaw lang talaga sila ng landas! haha! Okay back on the topic, so as I was saying, I am praying and waiting. At the age of 20+, I still consider my self young and I shouldn't be worrying about having a boyfriend but, at somepoint I kinda feel pressure???

Again, its not a secret to you guys that I had been on a painful (ouch!) heartbreak. I invested so much feelings and all I got in the end is a broken heart. ☹️ That's way I promise myself that next time I will love someone, He will probably be my last. I dont wanna invest so much feelings and end up broken again. I wanted a more secure relationship. Yung tipong, kayang sakyan lahat moods ko na napakabilis magbago. hehe!  What I mean in 'secure' is, yung kayang panindigan na mahal ka, kayang suklian ang feelings/love (whatever they call it) na ibibigay mo, yung mahal ka nya dahil mahal ka nya hindi yung mahal ka nya kasi, sinasabi mo na mahal mo sya kaya dapat mahal ka din nya. (getching ba?) Yung taong lalaban kasama ka. Yung lagi mong ramdam na di ka mag-isa kasi,sa relatinship nyo hindi lang ikaw kasi kayong dalawa yon. hay.....

Masyado bang mahirap hanapin? Ang demanding ko ba? Ano ba kasing problema sakin??.☹️

Yes, I dont wanna rush things, sabi nga nila 'may tamang panahon para sa lahat ng bagay'. Believe me, I dont know why I feel pressured and worried at the same time. Im still young and I have all the time to enjoy my single life with my friends but deyyym, cant help it! Maybe one reason is that, I am surrounded by lovebirds! From the bus seats, foot bridge, fast food chains, facebook, IG, and twitter, lovers are everywhere! I mean, I love you here, I love you there, Yakap here, HHWW there, lambingan everywhere! My goodness! Sinong hindi mape-pressure pag buong mundo na yata ang pumi-pressure sayo??! This has been my life dillema this past few months, everytime I pray and give thanks to Lordie and St.Pio, I secretly ask them a little wish for myself. Like what I had said before, not everytime I pray, I asked something for myself. Most of the time, I pray to give thanks and wish/pray for my family, friends and to those someone I know who are in need of guidance. But since the day I realize about this so called 'dillema' I started to pray for the 'right' one.

 

Its been 1-2 months since I started to ask/wish ( tama ba ang term?..) Lordie and St. Pio. I am praying for the right one to come. (Alam mo yung feeling na G na G kana pero wala pa kasi talaga?) But still, I am willing to wait though masyado ko ng kinukulit talaga si Lord at St.Pio. Ayoko naman na sa kamamadali ko, eh, sa maling tao nanaman ako mapunta kasi nga, forever na sana ang gusto ko next time di ba? Kaya, pray-pray lang ako ng mabuti. hehe. 

Here's the real catch of this entry, I had a crush to someone. We'll I am very choosy, kahit gwapo pa yan,pag hindi ko gusto ng vibes nya, kahit sing bait yan ng lahat ng anghel sa langit, hindi ko parin gusto. But this man really got me straight to the heart. Wait, Heart?! Does it even possible to love someone who doesnt even know your existance?? Awww... my heart.... why???😭😭😭 huhuhu .. Yes, I am praying for that certain man, I am praying and waiting for answers. Answers to my prayers if he is the one I am waiting and praying for. Pero sana, sya nalang talaga.

PS: myloves,baby,babe ( that's how I address him whenever I saw him on twitter or I wanna tweet something for him, pero di ko sya minemention.) I know I am not the only one who's praying to be the one destined for you but I want you to know that, I am praying for you ☺️ , im waiting for you 😊, and my heart is ready..for you. 😍 ayiiiih. 😘 I may not know you personally and I may not know many thing about you, I am sure in one thing, I can take care of you, I can cook for you, I can laugh with you, I can cry with you, I can be crazy with you, I can love you. Just be happy with me and my heart is yours to keep. Foreves. ❤️ #FatedNM

-wishful Niki.. 😊

You'll be miss forevs!..

'Love, I see forever in your eyes.. I can see heaven in your smile.. And when I hold you close, I dont want to let go because deep in my soul I know girl, that you are the only light I see.. Your love means everything to me.. '

I miss the way we sang this song together. I miss the laughters we always share with each other. I miss the way you hug me. 'Miss the way you kiss my temple whenever I cry and you will say, 'Okay lang yan!'. I miss the way you cheer me when I feel down and sad. I miss.... I miss the way you say ' loveyou! '. I miss... .. .. I miss you..

All of a sudden, I'm feeling nostalgic. While I am listening to our favorite songs I suddenly wanna go back to the days where you will sit beside me and we will listen to our favorite playlist together. I will lean my head on your shoulder then you will lean yours on my head. And when I started to sing the song we are listening, you will cover my mouth and say, 'ako nalang ang sasabay sa kanta. Nasisira eh.'. Then you will laugh. You're laugh that I miss the most. Yung tawa na kasama pati mata.

I can still remember one time when you asked me to sing "I Do" because you told me its one of your favorite song and you want to dedicate it to me. But I refused and I said 'pangit yan. Ayoko.' You didn't asked why but I know deep inside your wondering that's why I told you my reason. And I swear, your reaction was epic! As in E-P-I-C! I was half-shocked when you said, (excuse the word) " P*tangina pati yon?!' Its not as if its the first time I heared you curse that's why I felt a bit shocked but, its because of your facial expression and the tone of your voice. High pitch eh? XD

hay... (*insert deep sigh here) 'Emma really missing you and I don't know why. I wish we could still bump into each other in the street, but I perfectly know that we couldn't.

How I wish to meet someone like you where I can share my new favorite songs, someone like you who will sing and listen to a certain song with me until I got tired of it and play another song. Someone whom I can lean my head on his shoulder. Someone who will sing me my favorite songs, (our 98 degrees favorite songs.) and someone, who always see the good things in me when everyone only see the bad. But yeah I know! Waiting to meet someone like you is like waiting for a falling star to pass by in a starless-cloudy-night sky.

As much as I want to see you, talk to you, lean my head on your shoulder, listen to 98 degrees's songs like we used to do, eat chocolate and ice cream in your car, play Farmville 2 on our own Ipads', read the stories I wrote in wattpad together and cook 'kung ano ang maisip'' together, I know. It will never happen again.

And because I miss you, lemme sing for you. (hehehe) this time, hindi kana makakareklamo na hindi kagandahan ang boses ko dahil hindi mo naman na maririnig. Ni hindi mo nga mababasa ang ita-type kong lyrics kahit pa gustuhin ko pang basahin mo. :) 

We do almost everything that lovers do,

And that's why its hard, just to be friends with you..

Every time your heart is broken by the fool,..

I want you to know, that it hurts me too..

Its hard to wipe your tears away..

knowing that you should be with me..

Now tell me why??..

Why are we still friends?

when everything says..

We should be more than we are..

And tell me why?.. Every time I find,

Someone that I like..

We always end up just being... Friends..

So, did you like it? I am singing it inside my head while I do the typing of its lyrics. :) I can almost see your brows frowning my dear.

Its one of our favorite song, do you still remember? :)

'Gone crazy with our memories now because I'm missing you so bad. And it makes me sad. I've been wanting to hear your voice singing "On this day" since this morning. I miss the way you glance at me while you sang the song. You even asked me once if I wanted it to be my wedding song and I told you I don't because I want it to be, "Forevermore" by Side A. You told me, 'gasgas na yun eh, gamit na gamit na.' and I answered you 'hindi naman ikaw ang pakakasalan ko kaya wag kang anu dyan!' then you answered me, 'ako pa ba? ah basta!'.

It was like, it's just yesterday. It was yesterday when you left without a single word and that hurts but I understand. You left not because you want to, it's because you have to. Only a few people (related to me) got the chance to meet you and see you in person. Even my close friends only knew your existence through my stories about you. Sabi mo pa nga, siguro natatakot akong makita ka nila kasi baka magwapuhan sila sayo at ligawan ka. It's not just once that you ask me to introduce you to my best friends but I always refuse. I either don't know my reason why I don't want them to see you. Swear!

It's one of the things that I regret. Sana nakilala ka nila. Sana nakita ka din nila. I hope they saw how amazing person you are.

:( I miss you.. And I am glad that we've got the chance to create too many memories I can always look back whenever I miss you. Memories that I will always remember whenever I listen to our favorite 98 degrees band songs. Memories that are for keeps forevs.. :)

Love, I see forever in your eyes

I can see heaven in your smile

And when I hold you close

I don't want to let go

Because deep in my soul I know girl

That you are the only light I see

Your love means everything to me

I promise that we'll never part

'Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

Girl, you're like an angel from above

Sent here to shower me with your love

Hold me beneath your wings

Tell me all of the things

All the hopes and the dreams we can share

'Cause I'll be your shelter from the storm

I'll be the fire that keeps you warm

I'll be your light in the dark

Cause you'll always be near, here in my heart

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you

If anything could last forever

It's what I feel for you

Oh baby, you touch my heart in ways

That words could never say

That's why I'll always love you

If the sun, should refuse to rise

And the moon, doesn't hang in the night

The tides won't change, seasons rearrange

When the world is through

I will still love you..

Love,

Niki :)

Letting Go...

What is the difference between moving on and letting go?.. 

If I would be asked to define 'moving on' I would say its more about life changing part, Its a process where you let your self go on with your life alone. It's more about going back into your life track before getting involved in a relationship. I'm not saying that moving on is easy, we all know it's not. Been there, done that. But it's something that we should do in order to live a normal life and stop being miserable after having a painful heartbreak. 

While 'Letting Go' is more on feelings. After crying a pool of tears every night and every single day, starving yourself, listening to your heartbreak songs, making yourself miserable and such. This is the stage where you finally get over on all the pain you had gone through, it's the time where you realize and accept that everything happens for a reason. Lemme say, you finally let go of everything when you finally got yourself back on track, it's when you feel happy because there's so many reasons to be happy than to feel sad and lonely just because something happened the way you didn't want them to be. Do you get me?

I wanna share the feeling that I have now. After a long time of holding on to the feelings that I thought would last forever, after crying a river, after a bloody fight on the moving on stage and after realizing that life has so much to offer, finally.. I can finally say that, I had moved on and I am letting all the feelings go. The pain of heartbreak, endless sentiments, regrets and hatreds.

Moving on is hard but after you had done on this part and let go of everything that brought pain to you, after accepting everything, you'll next have the best feeling. The feeling of facing life with a new you, a new life and a new heart that is strong and courageous. 

God has better plans for me than I do and I believe that he's working on the best love story for me. It may not be the perfect love story I dreamed of ever since but I know, the love story that he prepares for me is worth the wait. 

PS: Dear Future someone who's destined for me, I am looking forward to meet you soon. :) I can't promise not to hurt you, but I can assure you that I will take good care of you and I will love you true. So, see you soon?..

PPS: Pinag-p-pray kita kaya sana, iba ka na talaga. Aldub you!.

Friendship it is..

Love... 1 word, 4 letters,.

I wanna make this entry short as much as I can..

And so I just finished watching the last 3 episode of OTWOL and at the moment I am listening to the soap's theme song which is 'On The Wings of Love' JaDine version level 999!!. Dont get me wrong,. I am a solid AlDub fanatic. Its just that I got curious about the OTWOL finale. 

Dear Aldubnation, inaamin ko, nagtaksil ako ng isang gabi sa fanmily natin..huhuhu..sorry na please??..

I admit. I am a big fan of happy-ever-after stories. And really, bilib ako sa mga showbiz people na nakaka-survive ng relationship nila kahit ang daming nakikisawsaw and such,. Isnt amazing that, no matter how difficult it is to handle a showbiz career, they still manage to make their relationship survive and make it to the altar together?..and live happily ever after... awww.. how's that?.. Isnt great to be inlove and be loved at the same time?..

Are you brokenhearted now and you're one of those who always says, "walang Forever"?.. oh come on!. take a look at your family picture. Guilty as charge,. I was one of those who always says, 'walang forever!' those were the times where I feel so broken hearted and I feel betrayed but, Whenever I pass to a certain spot in our house, there's this picture hanged in the wall that made me believe that at some point, the word "Forever" really exist. My loving parents surrounded by 4 off-springs who stands as their evidence of their love in one picture. Our Family picture.

Going back, so I was talking about OTWOL lately and just had finished watching JaDine's interview with Grethen Ho and Robi Domingo. Though I am a 'pure blooded' AlDub fan, I cant halp to feel 'kilig' while watching their interview. The way they look at each other, their classped hands, their sweet glances and the way they describe each other. Hay!. lakas maka-ALDUB din kaya!. Kilig Level 999.7?. sorry hindi ko talaga kayang ibigay ang Level 999.9 kasi, sa AlDub/MaiDen yun!. hehehe..

From Reel to Real. 

So umamin na ang JaDine.. at nakakakilig talaga yung moment nila promise!. James Reid amazed me. Yung sinabi nyang 'Nadine.....I.. Love You' sa harap ng maraming tao. Its not that easy just like what others think,. it takes a lot of courage pero nagawa nya di ba?.. :) 

As of AlDub naman,. dahil naghihintay pa silang dalawa ng right time. one step at a time. Slowly but surely.. ayiiie.. cant wait kahit parang may something na talaga.. huehue.. excited tayo ADN sa takdang panahon. Yes?.. Yes of course!. hehehe.

AlDub and JaDine. From Reel to Real. So, who's next?..ay ang showbiz..

To end this entry. I want to share something, bigla ko lang din kasing na-realize 'to.

We often say, except for Love, 'Trust' is the main and strongest foundation of a relationship. But for me, 'Friendship' is still the best foundation of a good relationship. Why? Because here is where the real relationship starts. How will you know someone if he/she is not be your friend at first? How will you trust someone if he/she is not your friend? How will you love someone you don't know and you don't trust in the first place?.. right?.

So, Frienship it is. Yes?. For me it is. Because Daddy and Mama start as friends. Well, me and David started as friends too before and hopefully, we'll be back to being friends again soon. James and Nadine started as friends too.. At syempre ang peborit kong mag BFF,. Alden and Maine. Friends, Close Friends, BFF , Special friends,.whatever they call it..basta Friends sila at sana talaga,. magkatuluyan din sila evetually. Pero ulit,. mas type ko ung mag-BetterHalf.. ayiiii.. :*


Nikita..

Faith...

Hi!. so, it's me again.hehehe..

I've been kinda busy for quite awhile so I cant post an entry. But anyways,. nothing extra-ordinary happened naman during those days, sadyang tinamad lang ako at pinalipas ko ang monthly exam kaya nagpaka-busy ako 'kuno'.

In my past entries, nasabi ko nang naglalagi ako sa place ni Padre Pio di ba?.. Kapag wala akong magawa at may extra time, I made sure to pay a visit and pray and of course, my favorite part,.. lightning a candle. Ewan ko ba pero, iba kasi talaga ang feeling after staying in the place kahit pa saglit lang. Whenever I got the chance, I am attending the daily mass kahit pa ang hirap kasi umuuwi ako ng Pampanga. I am so bless with so much, pati ung tipong minsan parang, hindi ko na deserve. Realization starts the first time I visited St.Pio. I cant remember the exact month but I know that was 20th of the month. I prayed so hard and ask for guidance to pass the monthly exam. At first, I feel a little bit of.,errr di ko ma-explain. Para sa isang tulad ko na hindi ganon katibay ang Faith. Parang 'ah okay,.wala naman akong choice kundi magtiwala..kung hindi matupad, edi okay lang din. Atleast I tried and I prayed' ung mga ganyang thoughts. I was with karla that time. Sya kasi ung pinaka religious sa paningin ko, well, my bestfriends Julie and Eunice are religious person but they belong to different religion. They are Born Again Christian and I am Roman Catholic so is Karla. 

I dont know why after my first visit, hindi ko na mapigilan. I always try to find time to pay visit nga everytime. Guilty as charged, I am one of those who will only pray kapag may kailangan, kapag may hihingin and I really feel sorry for myself because Im loving God the wrong way. 

So the monthly exam came and done. I pray so hard, I even cry. But what amazed me is that, I passed the exam. I got perfect score to be exact! I feel so blessed that day!. hinding hinding hindi ko kakalimutan ang araw na yon. I payed a visit again after knowing my score in the exam. I lightened a candle and silently prayed to say thank you. I know that 'He' did not used magic or something for me to pass the exam, I did reviewed everything that is needed to pass the exam but I do believe that, without 'his' guidance, I will not pass the exam. I cant pass the exam because I lack of self-esteem. As in wala talaga akong tiwala lalo na dalawang beses kong ibinagsak ang exam ng magkasunod!.

It was a wish granted for many. But for me? It is an answered prayer. Its been months now since I made it a habit to visit St.Padre Pio of Pietrelcina Chapel. Im trying to pay a visit every week kahit, once a week lang. Im obliging myself because I am trying to built up a stronger Faith. Wait, let me re-phrase that, Im building a stronger Faith. For a long time, I am looking for 'that' thing I lack of,. and I think I already know what that 'thing' is. Faith.

Sa ngayon,. wala naman na akong mahihiling pa. For I feel so much blessed. Dati kaya hindi ako aware!. Kasi binabalewala ko lang ung mga blessings. It was like, its normal to have this and that and such kaya hindi talaga ako pala-thank you kay Lord. Minsan lang. So yun na nga, After I passed the exam, edi syempre natuwa naman daw ako.. Halos araw arawin ko na nga ang paglalagi sa St.Pio..hehehe.. karaniwang Visit lang naman ang lagi kong ginagawa since I dont have much time. Usually kasi nagpupunta ako before pumasok sa office since night shift ako. pag morning shift naman paglabas ng office ako pumupunta or after I came back from Pampanga. Hindi naman every visit my hinihingi ako,. I am paying a visit to say 'thank you'.. Promise!.. 

Great Power comes with Great Responsibility. Sabi ko naman, Stronger Faith comes with so much Realization. Realizations like, how lucky you are to be called a child of God, How great it is to be loved by God and How blessed you are to be surrounded by good people sent by God to help you, guide you and encourage you to be a better person. A better person who is  Imperfect but strong, brave and Faithful. naks!. Ako pa naman 'to Lord no?..hehehe

Its a tradition in St.Pio to donate a rosary whenever devoties had their prayers answered or their wishes were granted. I already donated two brown rosaries. hehehehe.. but that doesnt meant I only had two answered prayers. I tell you,. I am so blessed to have everything I have now even I though I didnt ask for some of it, but still I am thankful that 'He' had bless me with 'so much'. Sabi ko nga di ba,. wala naman akong hinihingi lagi pag nagpupunta ako. Nagpapasalamat lang ako sa mga blessings. Pero recently, I ask for guidance para kay dad bucause he will under go CT-Scan., and as per mom, wala naman daw problem and okay naman lahat. Again, I am so amazed and thankful. Iba parin talaga pag buo ung Faith mo. Kapag naniniwala ka. Amen?.. Amen.

To end this entry, I want to share something..hehehehe..recently lang din,. I have this secret wish.. and this time its not for a friend or for my family. Its for myself. Hay...sana talaga... :) I'll share it kapag answered na. Samin na muna yun ni Lord at Padre Pio..hehehe I know, in his perfect time., matutupad yon.

Nikita.. :) 

My very own 'the one that got away'..

Maybe.,after you had read the title of this entry,.you already have an idea on who's my 'the one that got away'.. that is,.if you are reading my blog entries regularly or you had this little free time to scan some of my entries, but here it goes anyway.

After 4 relationship.,I can say that, I already met this one whom I can say 'the one that got away'. This someone and I had shared so much on the past years when we are in-a-relationship status. So much ..so much to the point that,. almost everything and anything reminds me about 'how' and 'what' we are before we broke up..before everything had changed,.before everything between us fall apart,.before he realized that., hindi na nya ko mahal.. :( ang hirap englishin..tagalog nalang.. :(

So,.ano o sino nga ba si 'The One That Got Away?'.. Sabi ni google..ito daw ung taong makikilala mo by fate..you will somehow share the same interest in somethings,.you have something in common.,mga ganun.. There are two kinds: one is,.you came to the point where you made it to the point of having a relationship and the second one is where you choose to stay as friends. (uyy saan ka dyan?..hahaha ako dun sa 1! hahaha ). Ang hirap i-explain..pero ito ung stage na,.ramdam nyong may something.,masaya kayo sa isat-isa,.minsan nga iisipin mo na sya na ung 'the one' pero dadating ung point na masasabi mo din.,hindi pa pala..but onetheless., this someone will forever have a special part or place in your life,.ung tipong gusto mong kalimutan pero parang ayaw mo din?kasi some how,.may napunan sya sa pagkatao mo na hindi naibigay ng iba. yown!.

In my case.,yes I already met this someone., must be fate right?..he came in the right time.,the time when I feel so damn broken and wasted. He didnt just made me happy,.he made me live again.,he made me see that life has so much to offer and that I have so much to be thankful for.. I love how he made me feel special every time, how he care and how kind he is. As in,.hands down.Sobrang bait talaga. Life isnt a bed of roses everyday for the both of us but he always made sure that at the end of the day,. the last text message i will receive from him is 'I Love You So Much' *insert our endearment on after the word much*... Really,. I am looking forward on growing old with this someone but I guess,.just like what i had said on my other entry,. we are not meant to be. we are not born for each other. We are not bound to share the same 'happy-ever-after'.

If 'you' ever have the time to read this entry,. I want you to know that,. you will always have a special place in my life. That after the countless rejections from you, after our painful goodbyes (na hanggang ngayon paulit ulit parin), after upbraiding each other non-stop pag walang masisi sa mga nangyare,. still,. I want to keep you..,no not you literally but your memories,.our memories together. I know,.there came a point where i said 'nagsisisi ako na minahal kita'., not just once nor twice.,and I know I hurt you by that so.,forgive me?..I dont really mean it.,sometimes I just dont know how to control the words I am saying specially when im in the peak of my emotions., pero di ba., sabi mo din 'kung alam ko lang na masasaktan ka sakin sana hindi nalang?' ..masakit din kaya yon!. mag-sorry ka!..hahaha de joke lang!..lagi mo naman din kasing sinasabi na .,hindi ka nagsisisi na minahal mo ko., ahehe,,(*wink).. Whenever I asked you 'bakit mo ko minahal?' you will just smile and say 'masarap ka kasing mahalin at alagaan..', 'kahit ipagtabuyan mo ko mas lalo pa kitang mamahalin'.. those were the lines that hit my heart hard and made me fall inlove more..hays..but anyway. We're not meant to grow old together..though I wanna dedicate this song to you..as I listen to this song lately,.a certain 'picture' from the past cross on my mind.. ung yakap kita sa harap ng guard house habang nakaupo ako dun sa lagi kong inuupuan pag break time?..ung kung saan nakalagay ung log book ni Mang Emy.,ung first time mong mag uniform nung college ka tas pinuntahan mo ko sa school?..naalala mo?..un ung unang beses na niyakap kita.. :) so ito na..sana alam mo 'tong song..

Another day passes by, i'm dreamin' of you,

And though I know it might be just a dream, dreams come true,

Somewhere, somehow i'll find you even though it takes all of

My life{all of my life}

And when I finally do{and when I finally do}

I know inside my heart{ I know inside my heart}

That there could be no doubt, I knew it from the start

{you are the one}you are the one

That i've been searching for my whole life through,

{you are the one}you are the one that i've been looking for

And now that I have found you,

{duet}i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

You are the one

Another night spent alone

I'm lying in the dark{lying in the dark}

I don't know your name

But I know your voice sings to my heart{voice sings to my heart}

A sweet melody, a symphony of love

I know that come one day{i know that come one day}

A time for you and me{a time for you and me}

To finally be together, cause I know we're meant to be

{you are the one}you are the one

That i've been searching for my whole life through,

{you are the one}you are the one that i've been looking for

And now that I have found you,

{duet}i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

Forever's a meaningless word

Even though you're here with me

Here by my side, here in my heart....

{duet} i'll never let you go i'll hold you in my arms

{you are the one} you are the one that i've been searching for my whole life through

{you are the one}that i've been looking for and now that I have found you

{duet} i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

{you are the one}you are the one

That i've been searching for my whole life through,

{you are the one}you are the one that i've been looking for

And now that I have found you,

{duet}i'll never let you go, i'll hold you in my arms

Cause you are the one, you are the one

PS: 'you are the one' kase.. you're my 'the one that got away'

PPSS: David knows about my blog but Im not sure if he finds time to read.. :)

Niki.. :)

after four heartbreaks..

Its a typical thursday night. So many thoughts are crossing my mind lately and I cant understand why. What ifs, So whats, If ever, and so much more but what really bothers me is the thought of 'settling down' in the near future. How's that? Kinda weird for me because I'm only 22. Im supposed to enjoy my life and my starting career but I wonder why these thoughts are bothering me.

Who wouldn't want to settle down with someone who loves you? Care for you, respect you, and only see his future with you too?

From the first time I fell in-love, that was 2007? I think. puppy love as they say. Hindi naman kami tumagal non pero syempre umiyak ako kahit papano. I experienced my very first heartbreak from Aj. Our relationship lasted for 3 months I think, he broke up with me to have a second chance with his first love named Kathlyn. (Pero,ayun hindi din sila nag work!.tsk! tsk!..ano ka ngayon? chos!). My second heartbreak was just so.....funny?..hehehe..well I didn't cry that hard like I did when Aj and i broke up but,.maybe me and my ex named Bret just happened to be more likely on being friends than more than friends?...(di talaga ako sigurado pero,.magulo talaga..) he broke up with me when his mom offered him a new computer set in exchanged on breaking up with me. It happened that he love playing computer games than me so he did broke up with me.(huhuhu..why so rude?..charing!). The next heartbreak i had after Bret hit me so hard!. As in!. I cried a river, begged for a second chance, risk my life (oppps?..lalim?..d naman ganun ka literal pero ung stage na susugatan ko ung sarili ko..you know,.those kind of stuff..uso kasi un nun sa school pag broken hearted kaya,.nakikiuso ako..hehe)., i'll not mention a name na lang but this one had something to do with how David and I met. (ayiih! *insert sarcastic smirk here). I dont know why but I really fell inlove so hard with this one. As in!. sa kanya ako natuto ng PDA. HHWW, hug everywhere, anywhere, everytime!. (hus!.bata pa ko non wag nyo kong husgahan!.). Pero hindi naman kami masyadong nagtagal. On and Off pa nga kami nun eh,.pero syempre 'hit hard' nga eh.. whenever this someone comes back to me after breaking my heart,.I always give in. .mejo close to one year yata pero hindi naman un steady,ay naging iba pa nga sya. But nonetheless,. this one made me happy and feel love even though we didn't work that well. The best thing happened in this heartbreak is that, I got to know David.We become friends,.close friends. And eventually, fell in-love after that 'someone' broke my heart big time.! Then here comes David. The one who made my world stop when we're together. The one who made me cry in so much love and happiness, give everything and anything just to see me smile. The only person who loves me true (except sa parents at family ko at friends ko.), accept all my flaws, cry with me when im sad, comfort me when needed, laugh with me..fall inlove with me every single day of our relationship. And the best thing that David made me feel is that., He made me his world..his everything. I had mention David countless of times on my past entries. I even share some parts of our loves story specially the 'break up' part. So when you read this you probably know what happened between me and David,.why we didnt last.(kaya,.ladies and getlemen,.wag na natin ulitin ah?move on na tayo pwede?) (PS: Im david's first kiss, first dance, first hug pero d ako sure sa hug..hahaha..wala nasabi ko lang..) (I believe in the saying,. maging kayo man ngayon,.oh edi kayo na,.nauna parin ako!.haha..charooot!)

Edi ayon na nga., after four heartbreaks,. here I am,.single and not yet ready to fall inlove again. :) lamnyoyan!.. anyways,.before I started the 'story telling part' I am talking about the thoughts of 'settling down',.siguro youre thinking now,.'anong connect?'.. ganito nga kasi yon., Since the thoughts of settling down thingy keeps on bothering me this past few days,. naiisip ko tuloy,. sino nga kaya ung binigay na other half ko ni Lordie?..have I met him before?..does our path already cross?..I was wondering if... oh well, nevermind. And one more thing..hihihi..among my four past love,. there is 1 person who stands out that I once dreamed of myself walking down the aisle with him, exchanging I dos with him, delivering a heartfelt vow for him in our wedding day, wiping my tears of joy while listening to his vow, exchanging of rings, building dreams together, holding each others hand as we walk toward our happy-ever-after. *deep sigh* I only see all of these with David. :'(

But I know,. 'all of these'  are not bound to happened for me with David. Because we're not meant to be. He's not the one that the Lord gave me to spend the rest of my life with. He would never be the one who will wait for me in the altar as I walk down the aisle. He's not the one who will give me the most heart melting vow. As much as I want too,. he will never be the one who will hold my hand and walk toward our Happy-ever-after and again,.its because David and I are not meant for each other. :(

the sad story teller,

Niki :'(

16th of the month

Im not really sure if Im in the mood to post an entry to this blog tonight but.,here, Im trying to think of something that I can share.. .. ..

It's my rest day tomorrow and Im going straight home to Pampanga after my duty though I dont really feel like going home.. :( .. ayan nanaman po tayo.. Its January 15 today and tomorrow is january 16.. 16!... 6th monthsary ng ALDUB my god!..excited ako..!.charing!..hehehehe..

I dont know why Im still affected. Why every 16th of the month I feel so damn wasted.. (OA ko ah!).. Basta laging sad, laging nakakaantok at laging nakakainis kapag 16th of the month.!.. January 16, 2016.. 78th month..errr..nevermind..

Sorry..I really cant write anything na maayos..argh!.. I'll try to think of something nice to share later.. :)


the Grummpyyyy,

Niki :/

eto pa!. Love Story version. 1.2

David is the kind of person you can share your secrets with. (tama ba?). As in bow head talaga ako kung ugali lang talaga ang pag uusapan. Ang bait lang kasi nya. Everything and anything.,basta kaya nya gagawin at ibibigay nya sakin man yan o sa kaibigan. Specially when he graduated from her two year course in college. He spoils me with everything and anything I want.,from material things, effort, and my favorite, his time. I couldnt ask for more. Sometimes, I will just find myself asking myself, ano bang ginawa kong maganda at binigay ni Lord sakin ang isang to?.. Whenever we had the chance to be together the whole day or basta kapag nagkita kami tapos kakain tapos kwentuhan,. he always ask me before we sleep at night the same question.. "happy ka ba?" ..and whenever he ask me this question,.again, I'll just find myself smiling and wondering,. what would my life be without David?.. Naiisip ko tuloy ngayon,. Did I made David happy too nung mga panahon na,. wala syang ginusto at ginawa kundi pasayahin ako?.. I wish I could turn back time so I can ask him too if im making him happy too..

Current mood: sad! :(

I dont know where it started.. Started things to fall apart., suddenly, all the sweet nothing turns into throwing of 'unecessary' words..all the 'i love yous' turn into 'hatreds' .. wonderful things turns into something we never think that will happen. Guilty as charge, I toke him for granted., everytime I feel neglected,. I would tell him 'lets just end this' ..at first he would say no,.but later on,.he gave in., Im selfish. But can you blame me?. Iniisip ko kasi,hindi naman nya kaya na mawala ako. Na babalik din sya.. (eh hindi na nga bumalik?.letche!) 

*deep sigh* David fell inlove.... to someone else. It hurts but,. I cant do anything about that. I mean,. basta ayoko ng sumali pa.  Pero... oo na!. I tried to win him back., I tried to beg him even more!. Un ung sinabi ko ung nga lines na 'ako nalang ulit', 'please ako nalang'.. oh my godnessgracious!. After he left me,. I tried to save myself from the heartache.. and I must say, I succeeded pero putik na yan!. Andun nako eh.,andun na..tapos nagparamdam ulit!..kaya ayun., all the walls i built around me broke down..and then again, ladies and gentlemen... I cried, I beg, I got hurt, got rejected all over again with the same reason. *sigh*.. (ang tanga no?)

The good thing is,. I know how to handle my feelings, emotions rather on the second time it happened. I cried but not as hard as I did the first time. I beg but not that super makaawa, got hurt but not that 'intense' , yes got rejected for the nth time but I didnt give a damn..hahaha!.kebs!.

Anyways,. Im trying my best to stop myself, Stop myself to reach out for David.. (sana magawa ko kahit isang bwan lang1.tapos dalawang bwan..tapos tatatluhin ko na..tas hanggang 1 year na,,please *cross fingers*) 

Beibi., i will not forget the day you catch me after my heart got broken because of E.R.. and I will never regret the day I said yes to you. (kahit yun ung iniisip mo,na nag sisisi ako na sinagot kita..). Maybe someday you would find thid blog and read all my entries and I hope, when that day comes, you'll reach out again for me and ask me to be friends with you. Who knows?..I'll accept to offer. :)

listening to: Got to believe

feeling:  weary.. :(

want: to party on twitter (pero walang signal sa officec..)

thinking: anong napapanaginipan ni David ngayon kung tulog na sya. at anong ginagawa nya kung gising pa sya.

David's ex-girlfriend ,

Beibi :)

eto na!. Love Story version. 1.1

Im thorn between posting an entry here and publishing a new chapter on my wattpad. :(

lately, I feel super again,. I wanna keep going and dont wanna stop talking and talking even though there's no one to talk to.,but now,.i just wanna stay quiet and just..you know..think of some things..errr,.okay..here's the thing..

Kanina while I'm on the bus,.(traveling from Pampanga to Manila) I felt the urge to chat David. Ung feeling na parang kailangan ko syang i-chat kasi parang feeling ko hinihintay nyang gawin ko yon?.so while i was thinking if I will send him a message thru chat, I stared at my cellphone,then after 20 minutes or so of thinking I decided to..(oh kalma!).. I decided to just go offline and keep my cellphone instead. I've gone this far and I dont wanna break my promise to myself this early! Hindi pa nga naka-isang bwan ang 2016 eh!.Siguro naman kung may kailangan sya sakin magsasabi naman sya,.kung kailangan nya ng karamay sa katangahan nya, kung kailangan nya ng companion sa mall para mag unwind or kung gusto nyang makipagbalikan sakin (joke!) hehehehe..magre-reach out naman siguro sya. But kidding aside,. I really miss David right now.Kahit ayaw ko syang ma-miss. Kahit naman nasasaktan lang ako nun alam ko naman na hindi nya sinasadya yon or,.basta..kasi ano..uhm..basta nga kasi alam ko!.

current thought: naiisip kaya ako ni David ngayon?

feeling: tinatamad. ang daming dapat unahin at gawin peo ano? eto.,blog pa more? >.<

listening to: I Do by 98 degrees. oh hindi ko sinadya to ah..ito lang talaga ang natiempo na tugtug habang tina-type ko ito.. (is this a sign?first dance namin ni david to nung prom namin,)

want: i wanna go home and cuddle my niece YukiMeng.. :( 

needing: TLC.. (seriously,.i need it.,more attention from someone who loves me..parents, siblings,.friends perhaps?)

I wanna share something but I dont know how to start.. :( 9:42pm..1/11/2016.. arg!..i want to talk to David so bad!..i wanna tell him i love him but how?..its so...frustarating? I guess..anubanaman yan!. hindi ko din maintindihan ung sarili ko!. Paano ba sabihin sa isang tao na mahal mo sya kahit nababaliw sya sa iba?.. :(

July 16, 2009..that's when I said 'yes' to David..I can still remember that's thursday night because the next day, friday, he went to our school to see me ( i was in 4th year high school then and he's in first year college). The moment i saw him, I know, I made the right decision to give it a try on him. On that day i hugged him.,but I didnt say anything special.,I just ...hug him. nagtaka nga sya eh.,kasi hindi ko naman ginagawa yun date.,hindi nya sinabi sakin pero ramdam ko talaga na nagtataka sya. Im not the showy type. Im more on saying.,ung sinasabi ko kung ano ung nararamdaman ko.,I dont know why but,.Im shy to show it by actions. Alam naman nya siguro yon. On our first month, he gave me a teddy bear and we named it 'Vien'., Hindi naman si Vien ang unang teddy bear na nareceive ko from a special someone but Vien is special to me.,until now. Halos kasi ibinalik ko lahat ng binigay nyang gift sakin eh,well, binalik ko din naman si Vien pero binalik nya din sakin. kinuha ko na din kasi baka itapon nya.(though alam kong hindi nya magagawa yon.) Vien is special because it symbolizes so many things for me. Naaalala ko pa nga, sabi ni David nung binigay nya si Vien, kapag daw namimiss ko sya, hug ko lang si Vien kasi parang sya na din yon. Vien would always be the best gift that David had gave me on our entire relationship because.(ang hirap i explaine ah!.) basta!.. In my High School graduation David gave me another teddy bear and we named it 'Thea'., Thea is a pink bear wearing a neon green shirt with a 'i love you baby' print on it. Thea's a bit smaller than Vien but nonetheless.,Thea is special to me too just like Vien. And came July 16, 2010,.David gave me a ring., a couple ring to be more specific,.hehehehe..im so happy that day.,(promise!.hindi mo mabibili ang tuwa ng puso ko nun!) its silver and I know, he saved a lot to just to be able to buy a ring for us. The sad part is, David lost his ring.,anyways, months after our break up, I return my ring to him.,ewan lang kung nasa kanya pa.

And so our first two years are full of love, laughters and of course..DRAMA.,life is not always a bed of roses as they say pero nasurvive naman.. :) thats a good thing right?

Masyado ng mahaba..feel ko talaga ikwento lahat ngayon..see my next entry..hehehe

in the mood to make kwento,

Niki :)

My Wedding March be like.. :)

While writing this entry, i am listening to one of my playlist in spotify.,tambay ako sa playlist na to mula kaninang start ng duty ko dahil sobrang na LSS ako sa kantang 'to.,.8 songs na isa lang ang title..yan ang laman ng playlist ko.. :) old habit die hard. Ako lang ba? o,na-experience nyo din ung pakiramdam na, isang kanta lang ang pinakikinggan pero hindi nakakasawa?..

So ito na nga., sobrang na-LSS nga kasi ako sa kantang 'to at feeling ko talaga.,perfect to!.Perfect to para sa wedding ko!. hahahahah! yay!. as in bawat lyrics perfect. I love listening to love songs and as a matter of fact, I have a long list of love songs na gusto kong gamitin sa wedding ko someday. (kung ikakasal ako!) ewan ko ba pero eto ung list ko:

1. On this Day by David Pomerance

2. I Do by 98 Degrees

3. God Gave me you by Bryan White

4. Because of you by Keith Martin

5. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by Julie Ann ft Elmo

6. Best in Me by Blue

7. It's True by Backstreet Boys

8. Forevermore by Side A

9. True by Ryan Cabrera

10. Angel's Brought me here by Guy Sebastian

11. For All of My life by MYMP

12. Here in my Heart by Plus One

13. Ngiti by Ronnie Liang

at ang pinaka latest nga sa listahan at sa palagay ko,ang pinaka pinaka pinaka gusto ko..

14. Colour Everywhere bu Christian Bautista

Kasi..ang ganda ng message ng kanta na 'to promise., I can imagine myself walking down the aisle, my parents are on my side, holding a boquet of pink tulips, wearing my wedding dress and a long veil, .... hanggang dun muna. Tyaka na ung 'smiling sweetly to my happy-ever-after as he waits for my at the altar' ..

Here's my favorite part of this song anyway:

my life is so predictale

never any mystery

but ever since you shined the light

all of that was history

now i have a hand to hold

and a reason to believe

there's someone in my worth living for

i was hanging around just wishing on a star

to put the happines back in my heart and...

you, you put the blue back in the sky

you put the rainbow in my eyes

a silver lining in my prayers

and now there's colour everywhere...

*dreamy sigh* wherefore art thou my husband to be? 

sharing a thought about my future wedding,

Dreaming Niki.. :)