Random 1.02 10/08/16

Rare times:

1. I feel genuinely happy.
2. I feel complete.
3. I feel secured.
4. I feel loved.
5. I feel needed.
6. I feel fine.
7. I feel well rested.
8. I feel important.
9. I feel fulfilled.
10. I feel … wanted.

Mostly:

1. I feel sad.
2. I am hurt.
3. I want to cry.
4. I want to go away.
5. I want to be alone.
6. I want silence.
7. I want to feel loved.
8. I want to be hug.
9. I want to feel secured.
10. I want to give in and sulk in loneliness.
11. I want to sleep so I won’t feel sad, hurt and lonely.
12. I feel the need to have someone where I can tell every single pain I am hiding.
13. I think of running away and never come back.

I wish:

1. To be happy.
2. To be love deeply.
3. To be accepted for whom I am really.
4. To have more love.
5. To be the most important person to someone.
6. I could just be me… all the time.

Someday:

1. All this pain would be ease.
2. I will be happy.. for real.
3. I can runaway and I will not hesitate anymore.
4. I will feel that I am worth to love, to cherish and to keep.
5. I will be free from hurt
6. There will be someone who will hold my hand and never let go of me no matter how hard it is to love me and no matter what the world will say.

Someday, I will not cry alone anymore. Because there will be someone who will cry with me when I am in pain. No matter how hard life can get, I will still be holding on to what the future will offer. It may not be now, but soon I know, everything will fall on their proper places and I will be happy. I will be free from pain and sadness.

Sobrang random ban g entry?? Wala feel ko lang talaga..

-Niki

Right time, Right Love, and the Right one

Hashtag : Happy Tummy :)  (Busog na me.. hehe..burrrp.. )Pwede nakong mag blog. 

I wanna make this confession. Hindi ko alam kung masyado lang ba akong nagde-deny sa sarili ko o ano.Well ganito kasi yon, this coming October, I will be turning 23. Hindi pa naman ako ganun katanda pero alam ko ding hindi nako ganon kabata! Like what I had said in my older posts, I am praying for this someone. As in my specific person talaga akong hinihiling kay Lord everytime I pray, hindi ko talaga nakakaligtaan banggitin iyon pero minsan nare-realize ko na, parang G na G naman akong magka-lovelife. *sigh..

Alam mo ba yung feeling na, nabibili mo lahat ng gusto mo, nakakapunta ka sa kung saan mo gustong pumunta, magandang trabaho (kahit nakakastress), tapos sobrang blessed mo sa mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Alam mo ba yon? Kasi ako oo, kasi ako yon eh. Kaya lang parang may kulang parin. L

Minsan naiisip ko, sana pala hindi nalang ako nag-move on, edi sana hindi ako atat na atat mag boyfriend ngayon! Hahaha! Chos! Pero syempre thankful naman ako na naka-move on na ako sa past major heartbreak ko. At gaya parin ng sinabi ko date, gaano ko man kagusto na alam nyo na, I still want to wait for the right time. Kung hindi pa iyon ngayon then, its fine. Though I really want it asap, I will still choose to wait for God’s perfect time. 

Me be like:  Right time, Right Love, and the Right one.

PS: myLoves,. magtweet ka naman ng madalas! hahaha

#FatedNicNiks

Thought-Ful,

Niki :)

Dear Someone I am praying for..

I dont know if this is still right. To wait for you and to pray for you knowing that you are in love with someone else. 

I dont know when it really started. You were just like a random thought that cross my mind. Una talaga parang wala lang. Ni hindi nga ako na-hookagad sa charms mo though lagi na kitang nakikita since naging active ako sa mga social media accounts ko. Until one day, I saw my old self in your tweet. Hugot kung hugot eh! haha!! Since then lagi ko ng inaabangan ang mga post at tweets mo. I made sure to hit the like botton everytime you cross my newsfeed on tweeter, facebook and Instagram. 

I rarely get attracted to anyone kahit sobrang gwapo pa yan. So, consider yourself lucky dahil nasilo mo ang paningin kong choosy. hehe.. At this age of 22, turning 23 this coming October, mabibilang ko talaga sa mga daliri ko sa kamay kung ilan na nag naging crush ko simuula ng mauso ang pagkakaroon ng crush. Ewan ko ba pero totoo talaga yon. Napaka arte ko di ba? So ayun na nga.. Crush na kita. :) Ay wait! erase!. Mas tama yata yung, naging crush nakita kasi, iba na ngayon eh. Hindi na yata crush lang. But then again, let me emphasis the word "yata". hayyyy... 

1:100 lang naman ang probability na mabasa mo ito pero sana, sana talaga... mabasa ko kahit hindi mo naman din malalaman na para sayo ito unless, mag milagro ang langit at igrant ni Lord ang prayers ko. :) 

So, this one is for you..

Plain and simple, nothing special. I am living a simple life. We are living in a perfect opposite world. I grew up in a simple way having only what I need while you, I think you grew up having everything. 

As impossible as a thunder rain in the middle of the dessert in the afternoon. Thats how I describe our chances to meet each other. It feels like you we're too high to reach and too far to get close.

But Im still hoping for the most impossible thing that can happen. I am praying for you. I am wishing for the happily ever after with you and I am waiting for you. This might be the craziest thing I ever wish for but who knows??..

Dear Someone I am praying for,

Kapag hindi kayo nagwork, seryoso.. hanapin mo ko, sasagutin ko lahat ng bitter lines at hugot mo. Sasaluhin kita kahit gaano pa kabigat at kasakit yang mararamdaman mo at mamahalin kita sa paraang kaya ko..

Love,

Someone who's praying for you. :)

Ps: Pareho tayo ng letter name initials kapag walaang middle name .. NMD iba nga lang ng arrangement..

June 27, 2016 10:43pm

It should not! 101

*deep sigh*

Three years of being single is not a big deal. Well, it should not. At the moment, I can say that I am living the time of my life. A good Job, good friends, fancy clothes, gadgets and of course stronger faith. 

I am beyond happy and blessed. Aware naman ako na sobra sobra ang blessings sakin kaya hanggat maari ay sini-share ko. Lahat na yata ng mga bagay na dinasal ko at dinadasal ko, ibinigay na at binibigay ni Lord. Pero sabi nga ng isang rule sa economics, man can never be satisfied. Its was like, after having what you want, you will surely want to have more or if not, want to have something new. And I am a living proof. Yes, sobrang blessed ako na makuha lahat ng gusto ko ngayon. Sometimes, I am thinking of, ano pa nga ba ang gusto ko? Ano pa bang kulang? 

Everytime I pray, I always say thank you for everything kasi sobrang nakaka-overwhelm yung mga natatanggap ko. Siguro kasi hindi ako sanay na laging nakukuha ang gusto ko kaya ganon nalang talaga ako sobra nabibigla minsan, yung tipong today gusto ko ng bagong damit tapos kinabukasan nabili ko na yung damit, mga tipong ganon. Pero minsan, dumadating talaga ako dun sa point na, parang may kulang. Yung may gusto ako na wala pa ako.

Whenever I see an old friend na ka-age ko that already have their own family, I always feel something different. Inggit? I dont know. Its just so nakakainggit to see them caring a cute baby, having a family date and such. Minsan naiisip ko, ano kaya ang feeling? hayyyy...

Yes! I am ready to have that 'someone' in my life. Someone I can tell all my worries and angst in life, someone I can text I love yous, someone who can hold my hand, someone I can cry and laugh with, someone who can accept and love me true. That someone who will stay with me at my worse and whom I can give my best. That someone I can finally call mine... *sigh*

Just like what I had said on my previous entry, I am praying for a specific person. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung alam ba nyang nage-exist ako. Kelan ko nga lang din nalaman na inlove sya... sa iba! (sakit bhe!) Pero gaya ng sabi ko din, I dont want to rush things for I believe, right things will happen on their own perfect time and that is, in God's perfect time. And if that someone I am praying for is not the one for me, its okay. Because I know, there will be someone for me in the future. Someone who worth the wait.

Alam kong hindi ko kailangang magmadali. Hindi ko kailangang problemahin. At hindi ako dapat mainip. Mejo nakakalungkot lang at nakakainggit. I was surrounded by people who are so inlove . Lovers are all over my sight and that was just somehow frustrating. :( I admit, I dont find myself pretty. I dont even have that sexy body. Wala din ako ng tinatawag nilang appeal. PERO, I am a Degree holder. Sa ngayon yun lang naman ang meron ako. Mabait ako, hindi ako maarte, pinalaki ako ng tama ng parents ko, may tatlong side ako, si Niki na madaldal, si Niki na tahimik at si Niki na hindi ka gusto. Simpleng-simple lang talaga ako. I am living my life the way I want it to be. Hindi ko kailangang magkunwari para i-please ang ibang tao. At hindi talaga ako ligawin na tao. May pagka-judgemental din ako minsan at gusto kong i-work out ang ugali ko na yon. Dahil ako mismo naiinis don.

To that someone I am praying for, If ever you and the girl you love now will not work out, can you please... find me???.. 

尼科喜欢尼基 <3 b="">

hayyyy! so much for now. Tomorrow I'll try to post more. :) 

尼基塔美 :) 

June 27, 2016 12:24am

Faith...

Hi!. so, it's me again.hehehe..

I've been kinda busy for quite awhile so I cant post an entry. But anyways,. nothing extra-ordinary happened naman during those days, sadyang tinamad lang ako at pinalipas ko ang monthly exam kaya nagpaka-busy ako 'kuno'.

In my past entries, nasabi ko nang naglalagi ako sa place ni Padre Pio di ba?.. Kapag wala akong magawa at may extra time, I made sure to pay a visit and pray and of course, my favorite part,.. lightning a candle. Ewan ko ba pero, iba kasi talaga ang feeling after staying in the place kahit pa saglit lang. Whenever I got the chance, I am attending the daily mass kahit pa ang hirap kasi umuuwi ako ng Pampanga. I am so bless with so much, pati ung tipong minsan parang, hindi ko na deserve. Realization starts the first time I visited St.Pio. I cant remember the exact month but I know that was 20th of the month. I prayed so hard and ask for guidance to pass the monthly exam. At first, I feel a little bit of.,errr di ko ma-explain. Para sa isang tulad ko na hindi ganon katibay ang Faith. Parang 'ah okay,.wala naman akong choice kundi magtiwala..kung hindi matupad, edi okay lang din. Atleast I tried and I prayed' ung mga ganyang thoughts. I was with karla that time. Sya kasi ung pinaka religious sa paningin ko, well, my bestfriends Julie and Eunice are religious person but they belong to different religion. They are Born Again Christian and I am Roman Catholic so is Karla. 

I dont know why after my first visit, hindi ko na mapigilan. I always try to find time to pay visit nga everytime. Guilty as charged, I am one of those who will only pray kapag may kailangan, kapag may hihingin and I really feel sorry for myself because Im loving God the wrong way. 

So the monthly exam came and done. I pray so hard, I even cry. But what amazed me is that, I passed the exam. I got perfect score to be exact! I feel so blessed that day!. hinding hinding hindi ko kakalimutan ang araw na yon. I payed a visit again after knowing my score in the exam. I lightened a candle and silently prayed to say thank you. I know that 'He' did not used magic or something for me to pass the exam, I did reviewed everything that is needed to pass the exam but I do believe that, without 'his' guidance, I will not pass the exam. I cant pass the exam because I lack of self-esteem. As in wala talaga akong tiwala lalo na dalawang beses kong ibinagsak ang exam ng magkasunod!.

It was a wish granted for many. But for me? It is an answered prayer. Its been months now since I made it a habit to visit St.Padre Pio of Pietrelcina Chapel. Im trying to pay a visit every week kahit, once a week lang. Im obliging myself because I am trying to built up a stronger Faith. Wait, let me re-phrase that, Im building a stronger Faith. For a long time, I am looking for 'that' thing I lack of,. and I think I already know what that 'thing' is. Faith.

Sa ngayon,. wala naman na akong mahihiling pa. For I feel so much blessed. Dati kaya hindi ako aware!. Kasi binabalewala ko lang ung mga blessings. It was like, its normal to have this and that and such kaya hindi talaga ako pala-thank you kay Lord. Minsan lang. So yun na nga, After I passed the exam, edi syempre natuwa naman daw ako.. Halos araw arawin ko na nga ang paglalagi sa St.Pio..hehehe.. karaniwang Visit lang naman ang lagi kong ginagawa since I dont have much time. Usually kasi nagpupunta ako before pumasok sa office since night shift ako. pag morning shift naman paglabas ng office ako pumupunta or after I came back from Pampanga. Hindi naman every visit my hinihingi ako,. I am paying a visit to say 'thank you'.. Promise!.. 

Great Power comes with Great Responsibility. Sabi ko naman, Stronger Faith comes with so much Realization. Realizations like, how lucky you are to be called a child of God, How great it is to be loved by God and How blessed you are to be surrounded by good people sent by God to help you, guide you and encourage you to be a better person. A better person who is  Imperfect but strong, brave and Faithful. naks!. Ako pa naman 'to Lord no?..hehehe

Its a tradition in St.Pio to donate a rosary whenever devoties had their prayers answered or their wishes were granted. I already donated two brown rosaries. hehehehe.. but that doesnt meant I only had two answered prayers. I tell you,. I am so blessed to have everything I have now even I though I didnt ask for some of it, but still I am thankful that 'He' had bless me with 'so much'. Sabi ko nga di ba,. wala naman akong hinihingi lagi pag nagpupunta ako. Nagpapasalamat lang ako sa mga blessings. Pero recently, I ask for guidance para kay dad bucause he will under go CT-Scan., and as per mom, wala naman daw problem and okay naman lahat. Again, I am so amazed and thankful. Iba parin talaga pag buo ung Faith mo. Kapag naniniwala ka. Amen?.. Amen.

To end this entry, I want to share something..hehehehe..recently lang din,. I have this secret wish.. and this time its not for a friend or for my family. Its for myself. Hay...sana talaga... :) I'll share it kapag answered na. Samin na muna yun ni Lord at Padre Pio..hehehe I know, in his perfect time., matutupad yon.

Nikita.. :)