Im thorn between posting an entry here and publishing a new chapter on my wattpad. :(
lately, I feel super again,. I wanna keep going and dont wanna stop talking and talking even though there's no one to talk to.,but now,.i just wanna stay quiet and just..you know..think of some things..errr,.okay..here's the thing..
Kanina while I'm on the bus,.(traveling from Pampanga to Manila) I felt the urge to chat David. Ung feeling na parang kailangan ko syang i-chat kasi parang feeling ko hinihintay nyang gawin ko yon?.so while i was thinking if I will send him a message thru chat, I stared at my cellphone,then after 20 minutes or so of thinking I decided to..(oh kalma!).. I decided to just go offline and keep my cellphone instead. I've gone this far and I dont wanna break my promise to myself this early! Hindi pa nga naka-isang bwan ang 2016 eh!.Siguro naman kung may kailangan sya sakin magsasabi naman sya,.kung kailangan nya ng karamay sa katangahan nya, kung kailangan nya ng companion sa mall para mag unwind or kung gusto nyang makipagbalikan sakin (joke!) hehehehe..magre-reach out naman siguro sya. But kidding aside,. I really miss David right now.Kahit ayaw ko syang ma-miss. Kahit naman nasasaktan lang ako nun alam ko naman na hindi nya sinasadya yon or,.basta..kasi ano..uhm..basta nga kasi alam ko!.
current thought: naiisip kaya ako ni David ngayon?
feeling: tinatamad. ang daming dapat unahin at gawin peo ano? eto.,blog pa more? >.<
listening to: I Do by 98 degrees. oh hindi ko sinadya to ah..ito lang talaga ang natiempo na tugtug habang tina-type ko ito.. (is this a sign?first dance namin ni david to nung prom namin,)
want: i wanna go home and cuddle my niece YukiMeng.. :(
needing: TLC.. (seriously,.i need it.,more attention from someone who loves me..parents, siblings,.friends perhaps?)
I wanna share something but I dont know how to start.. :( 9:42pm..1/11/2016.. arg!..i want to talk to David so bad!..i wanna tell him i love him but how?..its so...frustarating? I guess..anubanaman yan!. hindi ko din maintindihan ung sarili ko!. Paano ba sabihin sa isang tao na mahal mo sya kahit nababaliw sya sa iba?.. :(
July 16, 2009..that's when I said 'yes' to David..I can still remember that's thursday night because the next day, friday, he went to our school to see me ( i was in 4th year high school then and he's in first year college). The moment i saw him, I know, I made the right decision to give it a try on him. On that day i hugged him.,but I didnt say anything special.,I just ...hug him. nagtaka nga sya eh.,kasi hindi ko naman ginagawa yun date.,hindi nya sinabi sakin pero ramdam ko talaga na nagtataka sya. Im not the showy type. Im more on saying.,ung sinasabi ko kung ano ung nararamdaman ko.,I dont know why but,.Im shy to show it by actions. Alam naman nya siguro yon. On our first month, he gave me a teddy bear and we named it 'Vien'., Hindi naman si Vien ang unang teddy bear na nareceive ko from a special someone but Vien is special to me.,until now. Halos kasi ibinalik ko lahat ng binigay nyang gift sakin eh,well, binalik ko din naman si Vien pero binalik nya din sakin. kinuha ko na din kasi baka itapon nya.(though alam kong hindi nya magagawa yon.) Vien is special because it symbolizes so many things for me. Naaalala ko pa nga, sabi ni David nung binigay nya si Vien, kapag daw namimiss ko sya, hug ko lang si Vien kasi parang sya na din yon. Vien would always be the best gift that David had gave me on our entire relationship because.(ang hirap i explaine ah!.) basta!.. In my High School graduation David gave me another teddy bear and we named it 'Thea'., Thea is a pink bear wearing a neon green shirt with a 'i love you baby' print on it. Thea's a bit smaller than Vien but nonetheless.,Thea is special to me too just like Vien. And came July 16, 2010,.David gave me a ring., a couple ring to be more specific,.hehehehe..im so happy that day.,(promise!.hindi mo mabibili ang tuwa ng puso ko nun!) its silver and I know, he saved a lot to just to be able to buy a ring for us. The sad part is, David lost his ring.,anyways, months after our break up, I return my ring to him.,ewan lang kung nasa kanya pa.
And so our first two years are full of love, laughters and of course..DRAMA.,life is not always a bed of roses as they say pero nasurvive naman.. :) thats a good thing right?
Masyado ng mahaba..feel ko talaga ikwento lahat ngayon..see my next entry..hehehe
in the mood to make kwento,
Niki :)
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