Torn between,..

Before my four days offs, I have so many plans on what would I be posting on this blog. Pero nakatatlong araw nako, walapa akong nagagawa! I am always torn between Blogging, Writing my story update on Watty and browsing my SMAs! Nakakainis pag, gusto mong kunin ang laptop kay Kuya pero tatamarin ka kasi nasa tabi mo lang si iPad at nang-iimbita si cellphone. >o<

I have this certain topic on my mind. But I am planning to do it nalang next day off ko which in on October 21 and 22. HAyyy… napaka tamad kong tao Lord!! As much as I want to post these random thoughts running inside my head, tinatamad ako,, huhuhu.. sorry.. A

-          -Niki

October 14th, 265 moths of me..

So, Hello there again!

Its October 16 today and ‘em on the third day of my four-days-off from work yay!! I decided to have this break for my birthday which is dated last Friday pa.

I don’t have that much for my birthday thought its one of the most memorable that I had since I don’t remember. Mama cooked for me, family and some relatives. I started my day at St.pio. I prayed and had some alone time there before I headed home here in Pampanga. My friends surprise me pa after naming mag out sa office. I was so shock that I literally cried because my heart did not stop beating na para bang inlove! Hahaha! Kidding aside, I was so touch for their efforts. I just feel bad that they have a friend like me whose not that consistent. What I mean is, I am really hard to handle sometimes. I easily get insecure, mad and such but still, I am thankful to have such friends like Eunice, Julie, Karla, Clarisse, Arra and Carlhie. And Oh! Don’t forget Pepe! Thank you Lord!!

Mama and Bok gave me gifts, and letters! Yay!! Before my birthday came, what I want to really receive is a letter. Though it may seems impossible dahil, napakakonting tao nalang yata ang nagbibigay ng cards ngayon at personalize letters. At iilan nalang ba ang tulad ko na lagi nagwi-wish na sana, may matanggap na letter sa birthday ko?

Here’s my Mama’s message for me :

Happy Birthday Nak!

Kahit lagi kang nagbubwisit saakin kapag umuuwi ka,love kita! Happy Birthday I love you! Wag kang mag-alala, mas love kita kesa sa ate mo.

-Mama

This is my first time to receive a letter from mama and I cried, again. Hehe. Im such a cry baby but that’s how I reacted talaga sa mga ganon! That letter was actually written in our native language in Pampanga which is Kapampangan. Trinanslate ko lang. 

I love you so much Mommy ko!! Kahit makulit ka, hindi kita pagpapalit kahit kanino.. 

PS: thank you Ninang Jazz for my favorite tuna carbonara.. 

-         - Niki the Birthday Girl

Comfort Song..

I had being listening to a particular song since last week. Ewan to ba, I find it so addicting. Hindi naman na ako nagtataka kasi random naman talaga ang choice ko sa music though I have a thing for OPMs. Para kasing, ang sarap magmahal eh, parang kahit matagal kang maghintay sa taong yon eh, nakapa worth it. Basta, this is my comfort song for now. I am listening to it as of the moment. Ako lang ba talaga ang ganito o meron pang ibang tao na kapag gusto ang isang kanta, paulit-ulit din pinapakinggan yung song? As in naka repeat sa mp3 para kapag tapos na, uulit sya mag-isa.? I am guilty on that. Old habits die hard. Hehe.. Here’s the song.. kayo na ang humusga! Basta ako, I fell inlove with it..

PS: yes, it was a song from the original Encantadia .. 

-NIKI

We are losing it..

Every day is a surprise. No one know what will happen tomorrow ‘till it come. People come and go. Some friends would stay and some would go away.

I am a person who’s not that easy to be with. If you want to be my friend, you have to deal with my worse version most of the time. But, if you do, I can promise you that I can stay with you as long as you want me to. It was like, if you accept me at my worst, you will surely have my best. Hindi ko mapili sa mga taong kinakaibigan ko, pero pinipili ko yung mga pinagkakatiwalaan ko.

Elementary. High Scholl. College.

My sets of close friends from Elementary to College are different. Ganito, iba ung close friends ko ng elementary, iba yung mga sa High School at iba din yung sa College. My Elementary Bffs  are my childhood friends, though we rarely see each other now, we make sure to keep in touch with each other. I really love these guys so much. My High School bffs are somehow different from my Elem Buddies but I don’t love them any less. And I miss getting along with them. It’s been a year since we last had our chitchat time. And my College Bffs. We are supposedly 5 in the Group but before our graduation, something came up and immaturity took over. There are just the three of us who remained ‘intact’. The ‘three of us’ are Me, Eunice and Julie. The three of us are good ‘till now. Or I guess??

Minsan ang friendship parang lovelife din pala. Nawawalan ng spark. *sigh

I don’t know when and how it started. We rarely talked. We don’t share secrets anymore. We even have our different sets of friends too. Their ‘brads’ and my ‘bessys’. We once talked (the three of us) and clear things out. It somehow worked naman, or so I thought. Pinipilit ko naman lumapit sa kanila eh, pinipilit kong ibalik yung date kahit alam kong iba na. May nawala na. May nasira na. There is this one time, while I was having a chitchat with one of them and the hangout chat pop-up suddenly. She immediately close it. Maybe she’s afraid I might see what’s in there, but the thing is, I saw the chat box already and it was named by the first letter of their names. Hindi ko alam kung gets nyo ba ko pero kasi, iba ung feeling. But then again, I just shrugged all the thoughts away.

What saddens me is the feeling of; we are (the three of us) close to losing it. What I mean is, the friendship we had. We are losing it. Or we already did? Hay… nothing last forever if we don’t want those things to last forever.

-Niki

Random 1.02 10/08/16

Rare times:

1. I feel genuinely happy.
2. I feel complete.
3. I feel secured.
4. I feel loved.
5. I feel needed.
6. I feel fine.
7. I feel well rested.
8. I feel important.
9. I feel fulfilled.
10. I feel … wanted.

Mostly:

1. I feel sad.
2. I am hurt.
3. I want to cry.
4. I want to go away.
5. I want to be alone.
6. I want silence.
7. I want to feel loved.
8. I want to be hug.
9. I want to feel secured.
10. I want to give in and sulk in loneliness.
11. I want to sleep so I won’t feel sad, hurt and lonely.
12. I feel the need to have someone where I can tell every single pain I am hiding.
13. I think of running away and never come back.

I wish:

1. To be happy.
2. To be love deeply.
3. To be accepted for whom I am really.
4. To have more love.
5. To be the most important person to someone.
6. I could just be me… all the time.

Someday:

1. All this pain would be ease.
2. I will be happy.. for real.
3. I can runaway and I will not hesitate anymore.
4. I will feel that I am worth to love, to cherish and to keep.
5. I will be free from hurt
6. There will be someone who will hold my hand and never let go of me no matter how hard it is to love me and no matter what the world will say.

Someday, I will not cry alone anymore. Because there will be someone who will cry with me when I am in pain. No matter how hard life can get, I will still be holding on to what the future will offer. It may not be now, but soon I know, everything will fall on their proper places and I will be happy. I will be free from pain and sadness.

Sobrang random ban g entry?? Wala feel ko lang talaga..

-Niki

Random 10/08/16

Hi!

I’ve been so lazy for the past few days ( always naman! ). Hehe. Anyway, our Team Leader is back from her Vacation Leave and we already talked. Though we are still waiting for Sir to come back for the final verdict of my mistake, I still feel somehow a little lighter. I am also on the process of moving on with my mistake. Nangyare na, wala na din naman akong magagawa kahit isipin ko pa ng isipin. Move on and be extra extra extra careful. Yan lang naman ang pwede kong gawin para hindi na maulit. I am just so thankful for having my Ninang Jazz ( I call her Ninang because she will be my Godmother someday, pag magpapakasal nako hehe..) because she never failed to give me the ‘words’ I needed when my negative thoughts attack. I really love how she comforts me everytime and how she make me realized the things that I need to understand.

So how are you doing guys? Its already October 8,2016 today. Imagine how past 2016 was, parang ilang kembot lang ang lumipas October na. Bukas makalawa,mare-realize mo nalang bigla December na pala. 2017 is just around the corner and yet my 2016 bucket list is not even half-way fulfilled! That was just so sad but, maybe I can still continue doing the others next year? Yes?  *sigh.

Lately, we attended the wedding of Eugene, ( younger brother of my bestfriend Eunice. ) It was a simple wedding, the typical province-type. Pero alam nyo ba? That wedding show me how great person Tito Allen and Tita Vicky are. They are not rich but they raise their children well and full of love. Hindi araw araw may makikilala kang katulad nila na gagawin ang lahat para siguraduhing nasa tamang daan ang mga anak nila. Tito Allen is such a great father, for me, the wedding is not for his son Eugene, rather its for Michelle. ( Eugene’s Bride). Eugene is younger than his wife but then again, that doesn’t excuse him for not marrying Michelle. Tito Allen also don’t want to just let them living-in together not getting married. His reason is simple, he have daughters too. I wonder what would dad do if he was on Tito Allen’s shoes. Anyways, our eldest sister is civilly married.

Niki..