So im here in the office.,seating pretty in front of the computer and staring outside the window.,its raining and the sky is a bit moody..(tama ba?.haha)..i just finished updating one of my pending stories in wattpad.,and my update is kinda lame but,.ewan ko ba.,kung kelan walang exam ngayong december ay dinapuan talaga ako ng 'katam' (katamaran).,tulad ngayon,.seems like im so 'unproductive' this past few days., :( that's so sad..
Lately while im listening to random songs na nasa playlist ko,.bigla kong naisip si Mother earth.,(hehe).,hindi kami naging close to the bones ng nanay ko..we are exactly,definitely,indeed the opposite of opposite.,from head to toe.,she never like the way i dressed,the way i eat of course!(naiinis sya sa weight ko! hahaha)..but once in my life naranasan ko din naman na she adores me..gusto mo malaman?..when me and my siblings we're just kids pa,.mama adores me the most,.first,because they thought i will be the youngest,.(eh nasundan pa?.kaloka!),.pangalawa at pang huli,.i got the freakin' cuteness looks nung bata ako.. (anyare?..niligawan ako ng ref at mesa namin kasama pa ang plato,kutchara at malamig na tubig!).,mama loves to dress me, braid and style my long and shiny hair and she really loves to take pictures of me.,(punta kang bahay namen,.pinaka marami akong petchur!.promise!).love daw kasi ako ng camera kaya laging naka-click ung camera sakin,.pati sa mga kapatid ko din naman pero mostly talaga,.sakin.,nung 7th birthday ko nga,pinagawan pa nila ako ng malaking picture..at huh!.ako lang ang may ganon samin,.(hahahahahaha..tnx ma!).at hindi sa pagmamayabang.,i always hear may mama's friend saying 'ang ganda naman ni Nikita' and mama will proudly answer them 'syempre mana sakin'..
Until this adorable little kawawang girl started to gain weight and such.,hindi ko alam kung dahil ba lumalaki nako non or what,.ayaw ko na ng inaayusan pa nya ko,.ayaw ko ng sya ung magsasabi sa damit na gagamitn ko.,lahat gusto ko ako nalang.,hay!..so un na nga.,may kapatid na ko nun na bunso.,sa kanya na madalas ang atensyon.,but thats perfectly fine with me for i prefer to stay in my room during weekends and my free time.,im a looner type of person noon pa.,okay nga sakin ung walang kasama at kaya kong mag survive ng 1 buwan ng walang kausap. I become busy with myself and mama become busy with her own stuff being a mother for four children and a wife to dad so,we never had the time to be close .again.
Nakakainggit nga di ba?kasi close sila ng ate ko at ng kuya ko.,makatatay kasi kami ng bunso kong kapatid.,pero ganun yata talaga eh,.hahaha..
I still remember the last time i tell mama 'i love you' in personal.,graduation ko ng elementary.. April 10, 2006.,we are asked to say thank you to our dear parents..i was so shy to stand and say thank you to her since we are not close nga.,so pagtayo ko sa harap nya she said. "ano?" and i answered her "ano? i love you!" grabe!.as in grabe!.she immediately cry right after i said I LOVE YOU!..naiyak din ako non!..at ang hirap umiyak dahil baka masira ang make-up ko.,may dance presentation pa naman ang buong batch namin after ng ceremony.
from then on,.hindi ko na inulit yon.,i never as in never told or telling her 'I love you' in person.,feeling ko masyado syang ma-o-overwhelm at iiyak nanaman sya.,and when my mama cry,.i feel like crying too.,but sometimes i randomly text her saying 'i love you ma' or 'love you mommy'.,i dont know her reaction whenever i texted her i love you's since i never ever receive any reply from her. Mama is not a showy type of mother.,though we're not close, I love the way how she raise me,.(ewan ko lang sa mga kapatid ko kung anong feel nila or point of view.) I learned life in a hard way..(tama ba ung term?). ganun nya ko pinalaki.,sila ni Daddy. Even though daddy gave everything we need (sa abot ng makakaya nya.) still, andun yung, 'kung gusto mo,paghirapan mo'..
So yun na nga.pero sa last days ko sa college,.mejo nag improve naman ung relationship namin ni Mama.,mejo close na., lalo na nung kino-consider ko na ulit ung mga suggestion niya on how to do this and that, on what to wear or not.,and now that im starting my working career,i can say that,.we're kinda close,.ung feeling na,.proud sya whenever they will say 'nakakatulong na pala si Niki sainyo' and she will proudly reply, 'ito na ung swerte ko eh'..whenever i miss her,.i often post a picture of us together.,with a caption : 'I love yoou ma'..if you will check my FB accounts you will find some random status there saying 'love you mommy!' , i miss you ma!' and the likes..
PS: to my Superman's Lois Lain,. I love you forever!.kahit di tayo magkamukha!.
me and mama.. :) sometimes i call her mommy.,wala lambing lang.. :)
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