That awkward moment na.,andun na,suot mo na,.pero hindi pala para sayo ung korona?..Parang kayo ng ex mo,.akala mo sya na.,akala mo kayo na talaga pero iniwan ka parin nya nung nakakita sya ng iba. (lintek bat sinusulat ko to?!) Masaket di ba?..
Dahil malapit na ang pasko (kahit hindi ko ramdam.,) pagbigyan nyo na kong mag tagalog all over,.gusto ko nga sana kapampangan eh,,(neng eyu naman siguradu aintindyan.!) hehehehe..proud Cabalen here..
Anyways,.i just wanna share what i feel right at this moment,.bukod sa hindi ko ramdam ang pasko., last year,.sa ganitong panahon,.nagyayayaan kaming mamasyal sa mall ng mga kapatid ko,tapos te-text namin si Daddy tapos pupuntahan nya kame sa mall tapos lilibre nya kami sa Jollibee..(wiiiihh!!..Bida ang saya1.proud to be laking Jollibee kaming apat na magkakapatid,,hehe..love ko 'to ko ang AlDub pero hindi ko mapagpalit si Jabee sa mcdo..pero,.#2 naman sya sa favorite namen..) so yun nga..pero ngayon,.heto,nakaupo sa office.,kayod-kayod din pag may time para sa ekonomiya!.hehe,,December 24 pa uwi ko,6pm after work (umabot sana talaga sa Xmass eve mass dahil papa-thanksgiving si Mamami yow ko.. (yun ung sasabihin sa mass ung Family name nyo.).. :( oww i miss home..
TRUE DILEMMA:
icha-chat ko ba si David o de-deadmahin ko si David?.. Ite-text ko ba si David o Hindi ko ite-text si David?.. laking problema ba nito o laking tanga ko lang talaga dahil iniisip ko pa sya eh ang saya saya na man na nya yata.. hayyy.. (*insert deep buntong hininga here with sad face..) bat ko ba kasi pinoproblema?..as a matter of fact this will be the 2nd Christmas that we are not together anymore..from 2009 to 2013,.even we are not physically together because we celebrate Christmas with our own families.,we still made sure that,.we celebrate it with so much love for each other,.during Christmas, we exchange text messages (sweet nothings..hehe) the whole day,phone calls from time to time,. (*insert buntong hininga here*..) nakakamiss yung feeling na ganon.,last year,.like the usual,I celebrated Chirstmas with my family,.happy naman,.galit ako kay David non,.5 months palang nun after nya ko iwan.,kaya hindi ko sya masyadong iniisip non or should I say, hindi ko talaga sya inisip non,.those were the times that I am trying to fix myself for the better.. Stronger than before,. What happened between me and David causes so much pain..too much that I once wish to die just to get rid of everything.,ung tipong sana ganto, sana ganyan., fortunately,after crying a river, listening to 'Right here waiting' ( by Jay-r and Kris Lawrence ) everyday a countless of times, hurting myself by reading his last text messages, posting bitter punch lines on facebook, huh!..finally,.i made it to the hardest part of break up,.and that is MOVING ON (bold Caps Lock para intense!.ramdam mo ba?).. Though it takes me 5 months to made it on this stage, still im thankful,. I worked on that, i prayed hard. So I started my life all over again,.I focused on my studies (feasibility days..).,Im fine with my life till days before my graduation day., Though at first,. I acted like its just nothing,.di ko din alam kung ganun talaga ung naramdaman ko o pinilit ko lang sa sarili ko na yun ang dapat kong maramdaman., That was an ordinary day and me and my friends are too lazy to go to school and spend the whole day for our graduation requirements so I choose to stay at home., Wala akong load non at may nagtext sakin (cant remember kung sino yon pero friend ko sya..) and ask me to answer her via chat (messenger) on fb.,it was my first time to open my FB account that day because i spend my time cuddling with my babies (teddybears) on my bed.,there are 3 people appear on the chat heads,.the first one is our Class GC (group chat), second is from my favorite writter on Wattpad (FGW) and the third one ....is David.
My first reaction was like.. "OMG!" pero sandali lang yon..mga 5 seconds..i rushed to my room and locked the door..ba malay ko ba bat ginawa ko yon..pero dun ko kasi gusto basahin yung laman ng chat nya.. It was a congratulation message for my graduation,,he said im so proud of you, alam ko kaya mo yan kahit wala ako, congrats sa graduation and sorry sa lahat,.blah blah blah..things like that.,is-share ko sana kaya lang nabura ko na ung chat history namin.,( note: hindi kami friends sa fb ever since kahit nung kami pa..and believe it or not..ni minsan hindi ko sinilip man lang ang profile niya sa fb.,i dont know why but,i think its my own way of avoiding things that will hurt me.. pero.. note #2..hahaha..one of our common friends(oh i so love this two..kung pwede lang sabihin ang name,,) told me that David keeps himself updated on what is happening to me by stalking (oo stalking!.haha) on my Facebook account.,nung nalaman ko yon,.i made sure that every status i post will be seen in public.,date kase naka-private yon at friends ko lang sa fb ang may karapatan makakita.,but then again,i let my FB status/post be on public..mabait ako eh,ayaw kong mahirapan syang mag spy..hiyang hiya ako sa kanya..lintek na yan!) so where are we na nga?..ah oo,.so yun nga nag message sya sakin sa messenger.,at dahil mabait naman ako at di na naman ako masyadong bitter that time,.sinagot ko sya ng "sana naman ni-like mo na din ung picture ko para nagkasaysay naman ang pag-s-stalk mo sa fb ko db?." yan ang sinabi ko sa kanya then i also said thank you sa pag congratulate sakin.,he didnt reply that time after i send my reply on chat., I thought wala na.,yun lang talaga.but then again,.earlier that night.,6pm un.,nasa room ko ako at nag bo-bonding ni wattpad,.busy'ng busy pa ko non when my cellphone interups me..(asar!)..may nagtext na unknown number saying "hi"..sa lahat ng ayaw ko eh ung mga ganon na texter.,pwede naman kasing "hi.si ano nga pala to.."- ung ganon..para hindi ko na tatanungin ng 'who you'..di ba?..nagreply naman ako ng "who's this?" yarin lang na may kutob na kasi ako kung sino yon.. then ang reply nya is., "just look at the last digits of your cellphone number,you will know kung sino ako.."-yan ang sinabi nya pero hindi exactly ung mga words.,kung di ako marunong mag english,mas naman sya..kating kati nga akong icorrect sya pero i dont bother nalang., so tama nga ang hinala ko,. i replied.. "hell! David!" pero syempre ung totoong pangalan nya ang sinabi ko dun sa reply ko..at oo,.ung last 4 digits ang cellphone ko ay mabubuo ang pangalan nya.,at oo na!.hindi pa ko nagpapalit ng cellphone number!..pero may valid reason ako wag nyo kong husgahan!.hahahahaha..edi yun na nga.,his next reply was 'call kita,paload lang ako sandali." pero hindi ko agad nabasa yon dahil nga busy me kay wattpad.,mga 10 minutes na bago ko nabasa and i immediately reply him with 'wag!' pero ang reply nya is "wala na nagpaload nako."- it was like he was saying wala nakong choice kasi tatawag sya..,edi yun nga.,tumawag..at first hindi ko gusto sagutin pero syampre,dahil mabait ako,.at ayoko ng may pinaghihintay,.sinagot ko din ang tawag nya.,hearing his voice after the painful 5-6 moths,.(di na kasi masyadong masakit nung mga times na nag chat sya,,).i was so speechless..it was like,.why the hell i am talking to him after what he did?..pero nagsalita din ako..so there we talked,.catch up on the things that happened after we separate ways or rather,.after he left me..we talked for hours,. from 6pm-1:30 am ..as in non-stop..(ganun nya ko kamiss! etchos!)..but kidding aside.,we really talked from 6pm - 1:30 in the morning.,walang sumbatan,.walang kahit ano..basta catch up catch up lang.,tawanan ganern,,he even told me about this 'someone'..ung nakilala nya daw sa COC..(.pagbigyan nyo ko..isa lang pls...isa lang..ito na.. 'tangina nya!!!') they were together for i think two months or so,.pero sandali lang yon.,at ang nakakagulat pa.,ung time na yon na magkausap kame,.he's brokenhearted.,lately ko lang nalaman na "third party' pala sya dun sa someone at sa loveone nun.. (paano ko nalaman?.sinabi mismo ni 'someone' sakin..hahaha next time ko na kwento ung part na yon..) So itong si someone at yung bf nya.,nagkalabuan.,that's the time na nakilala nya si David.,wanna know what's ironic?..nagkakilala sila ng 14,naging sila ng 28.. easy to get eh?..but after two months or so,.mas pinili parin ni someone ung bf nya over David., that's the reason why David is broken hearted nung kausap ko sya sa phone.,after non..everyday magka-chat kame.,text din minsan..until one day i realized.,its still him,,and that is a major EPIC fail buset!!!..
The bottom line of this entry is., I miss David.,hindi ka kasi kami magka-chat or magkatext or what..basta!..I know that David will never know about this blog at wala akong balak sabihin sa kanya..kasi kalat na kalat dito ang ibang parts ng break up at love story namen..hehehehehe.
PS: Merry Christmas David!..i miss you mhine.. . . :(
('mhineqoh' is our original endearment,.though before we also used, bhie,beibi,bhe,honey,mahal and the likes..)
Yours truly, madly, deeply, thinking of David,
Niki :)
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